House of Pink

I need some home-cooked food!

2011-06-30T21:44:00.003+09:30

Since Dad has his transplant my 12WBT has totally gone out the window. Since Saturday 18/6 (transplant day), I have had at least 1 bought meal every single day. Some days it's been twice per day. I've had pizza, chicken & chips, fasta pasta, chinese, pub meals, cafe-bought foccacias, even bacon & eggs for breakfast after the all-nighter at the hospital the night we got the phonecall. I haven't even had a chance to look at the last 2 weeks worth of nutrition plans for 12WBT.

Couple with this ridiculously bad diet is the fact that I've spent the last 2 weeks sitting on my butt. I've been either sitting at my desk studying for my exam & writing my final assignment for the semester or I've been sitting in my car or I've been sitting at Flinders Medical Centre. The only times I've been even slightly active is the days that I've worked.

Needless to say, in the last 3 weeks I've gained 1.5kg. I feel as though I've gained a lot more in cms though. I suppose it's not too bad really, considering all the crappy fried, carbohydrate rich foods I've eaten. The only problem is that it probably won't get any better until at least this time next week because we're going away for a little family holiday to Mt Gambier next week.

Argh, why does life always have to get in the way of me following through with my weight-loss plans?

9 days post-op

2011-06-27T21:47:00.003+09:30

So it's been 9 days since Dad had his transplant & as far as everyone can tell, it's been a complete success. He has good days & bad days but on the whole, he's feeling a million bucks compared to how he felt 10 days ago. His colour's now completely normal - he's been extremely jaundiced for so long now, it's almost strange to see his skin a normal colour! As of this morning, he's completely free of any drips, drainage tubes, catheters etc so all he's got left to show for his efforts is a massive great big scar that from one side of his abdomen to the other like this:

The Drs have told Mum & Dad that they're all surprised that he survived long enough for the transplant & because he was so sick for so long, his recovery will take longer than most. They've told us to expect it to take at least 6 months & possibly up to 12 months before he feels 100% all of the time. They said his liver was all blackened & shriveled up & they were surprised it was capable of functioning on any level at all.

Dad's aiming to discharge home on Friday. He has to prove to the medical & nursing staff that he's capable of managing his medication regime independently before they'll allow him to go home. At the moment, he's still not quite there mainly because he struggles to keep track of time. They've put a big clock in his room where he can see it, so hopefully that'll help him to manage a bit better.

We're so grateful our family had the opportunity to receive this life-saving gift.

What a difference a day makes!

2011-06-21T13:35:00.002+09:30

I couldn't get to the hospital to see Dad today but Joe popped in this morning about 5 minutes after he'd been extubated. Joe said Mum met him at the ICU door with the biggest grin he'd seen on her face in months! Dad was apparently sitting up in bed & gave Joe a high 5 when we saw him. He said he feels better than he's felt in 6 months! He's not in any pain & the lovely fluro yellow colour of the jaundice is fading. The Drs are now confident that the troubles Dad had in the 1st couple of days were simply due to the small liver adjusting to its' new workload. Ultrasound shows it's increased in size by 10% already since Saturday.

Joe said there were tears all round as Dad was telling him & Mum about how he was certain he was going to die. He said he's so relieved (as we all are!) that this transplant came in just the nick of time. He told Joe he loves all of the family so much & can't wait to actually play a part in our lives again.

Now I really wish I had have been able to get to the hospital today! I won't be able to get there until Thursday morning so hopefully by then he'll be back in the ward & well on his way to recovery :)

Feeling anxious

2011-06-20T23:03:00.002+09:30

Dad's recovery from the transplant has been complicated by the fact that the new liver is not functioning as well as it should. The doctors are fairly sure it's just to do with the fact that it was a smallish liver (apparently it came from a 55kg man) that's gone into a big body & is trying to adapt. There is a chance though that it's not functioning properly because Dad's body is rejecting it.

They've increased the anti-rejection medication & added a new medication (not sure what exactly!) to try to rectify the situation. In the meantime, they've left Dad intubated to give his body the best chance of recovery & also as a safe-guard in case they need to return to theatre. The last thing they want to do is extubate him & then have to re-intubate him to take him back to theatre.

If things don't improve, they're going to do a biopsy in the next day or so which we think is to determine whether or not his body is rejecting the new organ or not. We need to get some clarification on this tomorrow because we're not 100% sure.

Best case scenario...the new liver is just adapting to having to work in a larger body in which case it should start to work more efficiently by tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest.

Worst case scenario...Dad's body is rejecting the donor liver. If this is the case, he will remain intubated & go on the national priority list for the 1st available liver & then have to have another transplant. God, I hope it doesn't come down to this!

The doctors told us this morning that they're fairly confident it's the first scenario but then when Mum rang tonight the nurse told her that they'd increased the anti-rejection medication so maybe they're not so sure any more? Argh...it's so stressful!

On a positive note, when we were there today, Dad's sedation was light enough that he could open his eyes & ever so slightly nod or shake his head in response to questions. I was standing right next to him when he first opened his eyes & when I noticed & leaned over to say hello to him, he held his hand up to hold my hand. Such a great moment that made Mum & I both cry!

Looks like we've still got a long & potentially bumpy road ahead yet.

24 hours later...

2011-06-19T16:24:00.002+09:30

I just got home from visiting Dad in hospital. He's still intubated & they're worried that he's still "oozing blood". Since he's been in ICU he's had 6 units of whole blood, 4 of plasma and 2 of platelets & it has slowed but not stopped the bleeding. If they can't get it under control soon, they'll have to take him back to theatre to open him up again & see what's going on & if there's anything they can do to fix it.

Other than that, he's doing as well as can be expected. I think when we first got there today, he was able to hear us as he had some facial movement when we were talking to him & he flinched when the nurse did mouth & eye cares for him. But the nurse increased his sedation shortly after that because she was worried he was a bit "too awake". He still looks as though he's resting comfortably.

Hopefully that bleeding stops soon & he can get the breathing tube out tomorrow.

Finally!

2011-06-18T16:09:00.003+09:30

It's been 6 weeks since Dad was originally called up for the liver transplant that didn't end up going ahead due to the donor liver being too fatty. 6 long weeks of being told he was top of the list & it would be "any day now". In that 6 weeks, he's had 3 stays in ICU & we were told twice that he wouldn't make it through the night. But he did.

And last night at 15 minutes past midnight we finally got the call we've been waiting for. There was another liver available! Dad was already in Lyell McEwin because he'd had a bad fall on Thursday morning so we were told they'd get an ambulance transfer from Lyell McEwin to Flinders for him & that we could meet him there.

When we arrived at Flinders (at approximately 2am) they told us he'd only just left Lyell McEwin so they took us up to his room on the ward to wait for him there. He were surprised when he arrived at around 2:30 & the paramedics told us they came lights and sirens because they didn't want to risk him being too late for the procedure. It took them just 27 minutes to travel the 31kms. Dad had a big grin on his face when he saw us. I couldn't tell you the last time I saw Dad smile like that! It was lovely.

The nursing staff & transplant coordinator went about their business getting everything ready for the surgery. We were told it was scheduled to commence at 8am. At 4:50 we got the news we were waiting for. The Dr had seen the donor liver & was happy to proceed with the transplant. This time it's really happening!!

They called for Dad at around 6:45 & we went with him down to the theatre holding bay. When we got down there, we met the wonderful Annie who is the theatre nurse that does all the liver transplants. She told us that Dad's transplant was the 201st liver transplant she had been involved with. She said that for today, Dad was her husband & her father & that all the staff in theatre would treat him as though he was one of their own family members for that day. Of course we were all sobbing by this stage & she gave us each a big hug. Then she pulled the curtain around Dad's bed to give us some privacy to say our goodbyes.

We all said good bye to Dad & wished him well. We were all crying. Even Dad. Although we were all trying to be positive, each of us were well aware that this could be the last time we're all together. It was very hard to walk out & leave him there. He's a strong, independent man but it was obvious he was terrified. We were terrified too. Tears are flowing down my face now as I think back to this morning. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to face.

After we left the hospital, Mum, Tanya & I stopped at a cafe for breakfast. We must have been such a sight, sitting there crying as we were talking about what had happened that morning & what was still ahead of us over the next few days, weeks, months.

As promised, the liver transplant coordinator rang us at around 12:30 to tell us that they had removed Dad's liver & things were progressing well at that stage. Then at 4:45 we finally got the call to say that the operation was a success and that Dad was stable & on his way to the intensive care unit. What a relief! He'd made it.

We went back into the hospital tonight to see him. He was fully sedated & intubated so he would not have been aware that we were there but it gave us peace of mind to see him. He looked relaxed & comfortable, despite all the tubes & machines around him. Hopefully by the time we get to the hospital tomorrow, he will be extubated and maybe awake enough to be aware that we are there for him.

We know he's not out of the woods just yet. He still has a long road ahead of him but at least we are heading in the right direction now.

To quote my beautiful mum..."hoo-bloody-ray!!!"

He's had enough :(

2011-06-09T06:55:00.002+09:30

I'm on placement at the moment but got sent home at around 1pm yesterday so I thought I'd take advantage of the unexpected free time & go to visit my Dad. Because the hospital he's in is so far from home, I usually don't get a chance to see him during the week because I'm just too busy with the girls, uni etc.

Mum had warned me that he wasn't well & that she feels he has given up. When I got to his bedside, I nearly didn't recognise him. Since I last saw him on Sunday, he's developed a huge amount of fluid on his abdomen (a common condition with end-stage liver disease). He looks like he's full term pregnant with about 4 babies! He's in an exceptional amount of pain & they're giving him Endone regularly to deal with that which then just knocks him out to sleep. I had to wake him to speak to him & I'd only been there about 5 minutes when he looked me in the eye & said "Melissa, I've had enough. I can't do this anymore". And then the tears just rolled down his cheeks. It's the 2nd time in a few weeks that I've had to wipe tears from my Dad's face.

I feel really bad about what I said to him. I told him he has to try to keep fighting because we never know when a transplant might become a reality. I feel terrible about it now because I'd hate for him to be feeling that he's giving up if he really can't fight anymore. I feel as though I should have told him that we know he's fought as hard as can & that we'd understand if he can't hold on anymore. I did tell him not to be a hero & to ask for pain relief when he needs it. I hope he at least takes that suggestion on board.

My Mum asked the Dr straight out yesterday "how long can he go on like this for if he doesn't get a transplant" & the Dr said he could "keep chugging along like this for a while". Whatever that means.

A strange sense of deja vu

2011-06-03T06:52:00.005+09:30

Dad's actually had a whole 6 days at home this week. I can't remember the last time he's spent that many consecutive days at home! We all knew he was deteriorating though & Mum kept holding off on taking him to hospital because she knows how much he hates it. She had already decided yesterday that she was going to take him in & just as she got him in the car to go, he started vomiting blood...again!

So she called the ambulance who took him straight to hospital with lights & sirens. He went into the same resus bay in emergency that he was in the first time he had the big bleed back in February. Once they'd got him relatively stable, they moved him straight up to ICU because there wasn't a theatre available to do the procedure to stop the bleeding.

Once he was in ICU, they called for us to go in & see him. They were getting him ready for theatre so we just basically gave him a kiss & went to go back outside when the Dr stopped us & told us we should "make the most of this time" because in her experience, these sorts of situations don't usually end well. Right. Thanks for your positive attitude. Then the anaesthetist came up & told us it was an extremely high risk anaesthetic but a risk they have to take because he will die if he doesn't have the procedure. She said she would do her best but she couldn't make any promises. Right. Thanks for that.

We followed Dad around from ICU to theatre & then waited in the theatre waiting room. They told us it would be a maximum of an hour. When it had been 1.5 hours & we still hadn't heard anything, we started to really worry. Thankfully, the Dr came out shortly after that & told us the procedure had successfully stopped the bleeding & Dad was going straight back to ICU.

Oh & as if all this isn't enough to deal with, his kidneys are failing now too. I'm not sure how much more of this his body can take. Anyone know where we can get an A neg liver anytime soon???

Accelerated schooling

2011-05-31T16:55:00.003+09:30

I just found out today that Chelsea is going from reception to year 1 effective immediately. We have always known she is a smart little chicken & when we enrolled her at school, I dared to suggest that 6 terms of reception would be too much for her (she's a July baby & started school in term 3 last year) but the principal told me they don't accelerate students unless there are exceptional circumstances. Well, apparently she now meets the exceptional circumstances lol.

They tested her reading age today & it is 8.25 years. Not bad for someone who's not even 6 yet! According to her teacher, she is the top of her R/1 class in all key academic areas. Since she's already in an R/1 class, things will pretty much just continue on as per normal for the rest of this year & then next year, she'll move straight into year 2.

Chelsea's very excited about it but I have to say that there's 2 other little girls in my family that are slightly jealous ;)

Some people are so irresponsible!

2011-05-30T22:16:00.006+09:30

My brother-in-law & sister-in-law have 5 children & are not the most responsible parents in the world. Don't get me wrong...I don't profess to being a perfect parent by any stretch of the imagination but I could write a long list of things they do, or don't do, with their children that go against the rules of common-sense parenting.

They've always been relaxed about car restraints. They're the parents that nurse their newborn in the front seat because they don't want to risk waking them up by putting them in the car seat, or let their 18 month old sit unrestrained in the car because they had a tanty about getting in their car seat etc, etc.

Tonight they show up at my inlaws house in a standard 5 seater sedan. That's 7 people, including 3 children who should be in car restraints, in a 5 seater sedan! I tried to control my rage as I asked where everyone sat. Apparently my sister-in-law nursed the baby (5 months old) in the front seat & the other 4 children (aged 10, 9, 6 & 3 years of age) sat in the back seat. None of the children were even wearing seatbelts. None of them!

When I questioned the safety of this practice, all they were concerned about was how much the fine would be if they got caught. I had to walk away. I actually felt like slapping them. I was so furious. How can they be so irresponsible??? If you don't have a car & car restraints to safely drive your children around in, then stay home! Or, if you must go out, go in 2 trips.

Then, as if this isn't bad enough, I find out that it's going to be at least another week before they'll have their people-mover back. So they're planning on driving around like this for at least another week! If I thought it would do anything, I would ring the police & dob them in myself. I pray that the police catch them before they have an accident. Even a minor accident would be catastrophic with the children all unrestrained in the car like that.

I still can't believe it. I'm furious!

Lesson learned

2011-05-29T10:52:00.002+09:30

I've followed the 12WBT nutrition plan & eaten completely clean all week. Then last night we had dinner at Mum & Dad's & I was expecting them to have a cooked meal that I was just going to have a small portion of as my weekly 'treat meal'. Except when we got there, Mum announced she'd ordered pizzas for tea. Oh no! Pizza shop pizza is definitely not allowed on the 12WBT nutrition plan!!!

So I had 2 pieces & a handful of hot chips. Within a couple of hours of eating it I started getting stomach cramps. Then the diarroeah started. Oh my gosh, I was in so much pain! I couldn't believe the effect the fatty, carb rich food had on me after only 6 days of healthy eating!

Last week I would have eaten that pizza without any side-effects at all. It just goes to show how bad that type of food is for you when such a small amount can have that effect!

Blood test results

2011-05-27T12:01:00.002+09:30

So I went back to the Dr today to follow up the results of the blood tests I had done last week. It shows I have 'mild hepatocellular damage' but the results are pretty much the same as 2 years ago when they were last checked & still not in a range where the Dr is concerned about them, even given Dad's condition. Phew, what a relief.

However...she was more concerned about my glucose levels. I have impaired glucose tolerance & the results have worsened since I was last tested. It's still not at a level that she would class as diabetic but I definitely need to do something about it now before it gets to that stage. So we had a big discussion about the need to lose weight & different options available to me to try & I actually got brave enough to mention to her that I feel I need a psychologist to help me with my weight. I am an emotional eater from way back & I binge eat. I also always seem to sabotage my own weight loss efforts usually just when I start to see results. So she's going to investigate about whether there's a psychologist around that has a special interest in weight management and the likes & get back to me next week. She also wants to see me in 3 months time to follow up with how I'm going. That should coincide nicely with the end of the 12WBT & hopefully, I can show her I've made good inroads into losing this excess weight.

I'm going to Malaysia!!

2011-05-25T14:06:00.002+09:30

So I finally made my decision & I'm going to go to Malaysia! Now that it's definite, I'm sooooo excited about it!

And my excitement doubled today when I got an email from the university saying that I will receive a total of $2,600 in grants & scholarships to cover the cost of the trip! That means that I will only be out of pocket $900 plus spending money for everything including flights, transfers, accommodation & most meals. How good is that?

Now I just have to organise a passport & I'll be good to go :D

Week 1 weigh in

2011-05-25T13:58:00.002+09:30

So the week 1 weigh in is only 2 days after the program started. I thought that was a bit cruel really until I stepped on the scales today & discovered I've already lost 1.6kg! How awesome is that???

I'm finding the program relatively easy to follow so far. I've been a little bit peckish but not out of control with hunger. I'm finding the exercise a bit harder because I'm just so unfit! It's hard to find a spare hour in the day to squeeze it in too but if I want to get the best results out of the program, I need to find the time.

So far, I'm very happy :)

A long road ahead!

2011-05-23T13:57:00.003+09:30

I did my fitness test today for the 12WBT & I. Nearly. Died!

I can't believe I've let myself get this overweight & this unfit. The 1km time trial nearly killed me. The lower half of my legs felt like they were literally on fire! I'm so unfit that I burnt 531 calories just by doing the fitness test & half a Michelle Bridges workout dvd lol.

Boy, do I have a lot of work to do!!

Investigation MY liver function

2011-05-22T11:24:00.003+09:30

Back in July 2009 I had some routine blood tests done & when I went to the Dr to review them, she asked me how much alcohol I drink because apparently my liver function test was out of whack. I didn't think anything of it at the time but given everything that's going on with my Dad, this conversation with the Dr suddenly came rushing back to me the other day.

I've heard numerous Drs say that the deterioration of Dad's liver function would have been evident through routine blood tests long before his body showed symptoms so I thought I'd go along & ask for a follow-up test. I was a bit anxioius about asking for it to be honest, I thought it made me sound a bit paranoid. But luckily for me my Dr is very understanding about these sorts of things & didn't hesitate to order the tests for me.

So in addition to liver function tests, she's also ordered a complete blood examination, iron studies, thyroid function, BSL & cholesterol levels. I'm going back Friday to get the results. That should be interesting!

Decision time!

2011-05-20T11:49:00.002+09:30

So, remember this post a few weeks ago?

I just found out that I have officially been offered a place on the Mayalsian study tour. Now I just have to decide whether to bite the bullet & go or not.

Joe's not particularly keen but I think he's more worried about the cost rather than anything else. He'd be fine here with the girls by himself for a few weeks.

I really, really want to go but I feel guilty about spending that money on something just for me & also for being away from my family for so long. The girls have ballet competitions & school camps while I would be away too. Maybe I should speak to them & see how they'd feel about me going?

I only have until Tuesday to make up my mind because that's when the deposit's due! Decisions, decisions...

Getting scared

2011-05-16T10:07:00.002+09:30

It's 1 week until the start of the 12 Week Body Transformation. We've been doing 'pre-season tasks' for a couple of weeks now & yesterday's task was to 'organise & diarise'. The idea is to plan your training sessions in advance & put them in your diary like you would any other important appointment.

Sounds easy right? That is until you look at my diary & some days my feet barely touch the ground for 14 hours! I'm looking at particular days & trying to find space to squeeze in an hour of exercise but I know I'm already going to be exhausted on those days. I'm scared that I'll take the easy option & use the excuse of being too tired to exercise.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know that eating better & exercising will give me more energy in the long run. I guess I just have to tough it out & force myself to do the work in the meantime until I reach that point.

I'm trying to think of it the same way I think of my uni work. I don't want to study or want to write assignments but I know I have to do those things to reach my end goal of being a midwife & I make the time to it even when I seemingly have no time. I have to think of eating healthy food & exercising in the same way. I won't always want to do those things & sometimes it will seem easier & more appealing to sit on the couch & eat chocolate but I won't ever reach my goal of being a healthy weight if I choose that option, will I?

As you can see there's a lot of mental preparation going on in my mind at the moment as the 12WBT start date looms.

Near death experiences

2011-05-16T06:48:00.002+09:30

According to the consultant who is head of the liver transplant unit here in Adelaide, Dad has had more near-death experiences than any other patient he's ever treated. He is absolutely astounded that Dad keeps bouncing back from these horrible, life-threatening events. I haven't blogged about it yet, but Dad spent most of the last week in ICU & was intubated for 48 hours because he had another big internal bleed.

He was stable enough to return to the ward on Saturday & when we were visiting him yesterday he was telling us how when this most recent bleed occured, he was aware of many people rushing around him & poking & prodding him but he couldn't speak to them. He also said there were bright lights all around him & his head felt like it was spinning. He told us he thought it was "the end of him". He was apparently extremely surprised when he woke up 48 hours later & realised he was in ICU.

My Dad is extremely stoic &, up until this weekend, I've only seen him cry twice in my lifetime (at his dad's & then his mum's funerals). He shed many tears this weekend. I even had to wipe tears that were running down his face because he didn't have the energy to do it himself. Now there's something I never thought I'd have to do. He's had enough. He told us yesterday afternoon that he feels as though something else is going to happen.

And he's terrified.

So are we.

Goals for the 12WBT

2011-05-10T14:07:00.004+09:30

As part of the 'pre-season tasks' for the 12WBT we have to set short & long term goals. All of my goals are weight-loss related. I do hope to get fitter but I don't really have any specific fitness goals yet. Maybe once I get started, I'll have a better idea of what some appropriate fitness goals might be.

Anyway so my goals are:
1 month goal - Lose 4kg
3 month goal - Lose 10kg
6 month goal - Lose 18kg
12 month goal - Lose 30kg (End goal weight = 70kg)

My plan for achieving these goals is to follow the 12WBT to the letter for at least 12 weeks. At the end of those 12 weeks, I'll reassess whether I want to sign up for the next round or carry on on my own.

I'm sure I've posted this photo on this blog before (a loooonnnnnng time ago!) but this was me the last time I lost weight a decent amount of weight. I didn't reach my goal of 70kg but I think I was around 73-74kg in this photo. Not bad hey?

To go to Malaysia or not to go to Malaysia?

2011-05-10T12:44:00.002+09:30

As a 3rd year student, I have the opportunity to go on an international study tour to Sarawak, Malaysia. It's a 3 week cultural experience on which they take 5 midwifery students & 10 nursing students. Since I started this degree, I have always planned to do the international study tour. I've warned Joe about it from day 1! Now that the opportunity's here, I'm not so sure it's actually in my best interests to go. That's not to say, it wouldn't be an amazing experience but I'm worried I won't get enough clinical experience (ie. births!) while I'm over there. I couldn't bear the thought of spending 3 weeks away from my family only to return home & have to spend 3-4 weeks doing extra shifts in delivery suite to get my birth requirements for registration.

In addition to that, the cost of the trip increased substantially this year to approx. $3500 compared to approx. $1200 last year. I'm told there is a strong possibility of receiving a study grant from the university to help with the costs but there's no guarantee of receiving one or of how much it would be worth.

To cut a long story short, I ended up submitting a death knock application for the study tour but I'm still unsure of whether I'll accept a position should one be forthcoming. I thought I'd table a little pros & cons list to help me make my decision:

Pros
* Potentially amazing cultural experience.
* 1st OS trip / opportunity to play tourist on days off.
* Will look good on my resume.
* Opportunity to do something different to the normal hospital placements.
* It means I'll be finished my course 1 month earlier than I otherwise will be (mid November instead of mid December).

Cons
* Cost
* Time away from my family (I'll miss Caitlyn & Emily's 1st school camp & also the big ballet competitions if I go. Although I might miss these things anyway if I'm here & working on those days).
* Uncertainty about the level of clinical experience able to be obtained over there/potential to have to do a lot of extra shifts back home.

Successful applicants will be notified next Friday (19th) with a $1000 deposit due the following Monday (23rd) so I really need to get it clear in my head whether I definitely want to go or not before then!

Highest of highs followed by the lowest of lows

2011-05-08T17:00:00.003+09:30

On Friday night we were so excited to finally get the phone call we'd been waiting for...there was a liver available for Dad! Mum & Dad had 2 hours to get themselves to the hospital & we were told all going well, the operation would take place around 5:00am the next day. We were so relieved & excited! We all knew there was a chance it might not go ahead or that Dad might not make it through the surgery but we all had a really positive vibe about it.

Mum didn't stay at the hospital with Dad through the night but the liver transplant coordinator promised she'd send a text once the surgery got underway. When Mum's phone rang at 2:45am & the coordinator opened her conversation with "I've got some bad news" Mum automatically assumed the worst. But as it turned out, she was ringing to say the the donor liver was too fatty & not healthy enough to be transplanted. The life-saving operation that we've all been waiting with baited breath for, was not going to go ahead tonight.

The sheer excitment & positivity we had all felt a few hours earlier that night was overtaken by devastating disappointment.

Mum had to drive all the way back to the hospital on Saturday morning & bring my poor Dad back home again. If nothing else, at least we now know that Dad's at the top of the priority list. Now we just have to sit & wait for another phone call & hope the outcome is better the next time!

Dad's coming home again

2011-05-05T16:57:00.002+09:30

Dad's being discharged from hospital again this afternoon. He's really not well enough to be home but the medical staff at Flinders say he's not sick enough for a bed in an acute hospital.

Mum thinks we should book the ambulance for the weekend in advance, since each previous time he's come home during the week, she's had to call the ambulance by the weekend.

Hopefully it doesn't happen this time...

Midwifery musing

2011-05-03T11:24:00.002+09:30

I've really grown as a midwife in the past month or so but the last week in particular has been significant. 2 of my follow through clients have each had an amazing water birth in the past week. On both occassions, I was the primary care giver, or essentially the only care giver, as I was left alone in the room with the woman & her partner for most of the labour & birth. In both cases, when the midwife was in the room, she sat very discretely in the corner, observed the goings on & let me do my thing.

Both of these women laboured beautifully, following their instincts & maintaining their focus & control of their breathing. I felt confident in knowing the right things to do & say at the right times. For one of the women in particular, I was a very strong advocate for her when she needed me to be & I feel I was influential in enabling her to navigate the hospital policy & midwives indoctrination to enable her to safely & peacefully birth the way she wanted to birth.

I am humbled to have received excellent feedback on my skills from both midwives &, more importantly, the women themselves. After doubting myself & my abilities for the past 2.5 years, it's such a relief to be at the point where I think I could actually go out as a registered midwife next year & survive!

Joe's on my case

2011-04-26T21:10:00.003+09:30

So, I was going to weight watchers at the end of last year & I lost 5kg before a million and one excuses got in my way & I put the weight back on. Now I'm sitting here at my heaviest weight ever with all the reasons in the world to do something about it but no motivation to do the work or belief that I actually can be successful.

Joe's decided to put me on the "road to 80". 80kg is about 10kg short of my ultimate goal weight but it's a weight I haven't been for around 6.5-7 years. It's also a weight that is realistic to be able to achieve by the date Joe has set...1st December 2011. He doesn't really have a grand plan as to how I'm going to achieve this weight loss but he's promised me to support & encourage me 100% to make sure I get there.

Since he's given me this target but hasn't really given me a plan, this is the plan I've come up with:
- starting tomorrow, resume following the WW program (since I'm still paying for online membership, I may as well use it!).
- starting tomorrow, include a minimum of 30 minutes of exercise into every day. Even on weekends & the days when I work or have placement.
- Starting Monday 23rd May, commence the Michelle Bridge's 12 Week Body Transformation. I started this program once before & did really well for a few weeks & then I went out on placement & things got too hard. This time I need to commit to finishing it regardless of what goes on in my life for those 12 weeks. The results will be worth it.

To be honest, I'm still not convinced that I can actually do this. And I know that's something I need to work on to be able to be successful. But I'm so afraid I'm going to end up with lifestyle related chronic illnesses (like my Dad) if I don't do something to look after my body once and for all.

Watch this space...

We thought we'd reached the end of the road

2011-04-26T19:08:00.005+09:30

We came within a bee's dick of losing Dad yesterday. Things were very scary for a while there! Luckily for us, he was actually in ICU already (because he'd had a bleed on Sunday afternoon) because if he wasn't there, with an arterial line for continous blood pressure monitoring & with staff available to help him, this story would have had a very different ending.

Basically what happened was that he was bleeding internally from the oesophegeal varices & he showed no external signs whatsoever. Mum saw his BP get down to as low as 65/30 before they asked her to leave the ICU & wait outside. They gave him adrenaline & copious amounts of frozen plasma & blood. Mum said there were 2 Drs & 6 nurses around his bedside when she left. The last thing the Dr told Mum was that she should call the family to the hospital to say our goodbyes.

The gastrointestinal consultant came to do a bedside endoscopy because Dad was too critical to move to the operating theatre. He warned us before he started that, based on what he'd seen when he'd scoped Dad the night before, he suspected he would be unable to stop the bleeding. He told us that if that was the case, they would make Dad comfortable but he would die unless his blood miraculously began to clot.

We waited 1.5 hours outside the ICU before someone came to update us. To everyone's surprise, the Dr had been able to successfully band the bleeding varices & stop the bleeding. Dad was still critical but he had survived. They had arranged for him to be retrieved from the local hospital down to Flinders which is where the liver transplant team is located. We left as they were preparing him for transport as he was sedated and unaware we were there anyway.

When we arrived at Flinders ICU this morning, he was awake & alert & resting comfortably. He'd had no further bleeding and the ICU staff were so happy with his condition, they were trying to find a high dependency bed to transfer him to! We couldn't believe it!! He certainly is resiliant!

Before all this drama yesterday, the Dr told mum that Dad potentially only has 2-3 weeks left if he doesn't get a liver transplant. So we've all got our fingers crossed that we get that illusive phone call sooner rather than later!

5 days

2011-04-16T23:11:00.002+09:30

That's how long Dad managed to stay out of hospital for and now he's back in there again. In all honesty, he never should have come home in the first place.

It took Mum 10 minutes to try to wake him up this afternoon to take his meds & then he was all disorientated & confused. Shortly after that, he started vomiting & she called the liver team for advice. They told her to call an ambulance & get him to hospital so that was what she did.

He's at Lyell McEwin for tonight because the ambos wouldn't take him all the way down to Flinders but he'll most likely be transferred in the morning. The transplant co-ordinator is working hard to try to find somewhere long-term for him to stay until a liver becomes available. The trouble is that he's not sick enough for a bed in an acute setting but not well enough to be at home. Hopefully they can come up with a suitable solution soon.

My poor husband

2011-04-15T22:35:00.004+09:30

Poor Joe. He has to put up with a lot from me. I'm a perfectionist & freak out if things aren't going my way. When I'm stressed, I bottle things up inside & then the slightest little thing tips me over the edge & I lose the plot. Joe's always there to pick up the pieces even though I'm sure he must think I'm crazy sometimes!

Today was one of those days.

6 weeks ago, Joe & I were supposed to be having a lunch date using this special deal we'd bought off the internet. The day of the lunch, was the day we were called to Dad's bedside in ICU to discuss our family's wishes regarding resuscitation. Needless to say the lunch date got cancelled.

When we looked at our diaries to try & re-schedule it, the first day we could find where we were both free for lunch was today. I've been flat out with placement & all the stress of Dad being so sick & I've been really looking forward to this lunch with Joe.

I drove in & parked my car at the Entertainment Centre to catch the free tram into town rather than having to pay for car parking in the city. Without going into all the dramas of what happened, what should have taken about 15 minutes to get into town, took 1 hour & 20 minutes! The tram broke down & I made the decision to get off & walk because they couldn't tell us how long it would take for the tram to get moving again. I was wearing new shoes. Bad idea! I've also been sick with a cold & really wasn't well enough for a 45 minute walk into the city.

I was already beside myself at being so late & starting to stress about whether I'd actually have time to eat & get back to school in time to pick up the girls and then I got lost! Joe had given me directions to get to the restaurant but I misinterpreted them & couldn't find it. I called him to get help & I just completely lost it. I was walking around the city in a blubbering mess because I was lost, stressed about being late, exhausted from walking so far when I really wasn't well enough to, with big blisters on my feet from my new shoes. I'm crying on the phone to Joe saying "I just want to go home" & "why does everything always go wrong for me" and all these people around me are looking at me but trying to pretend that they're not really. Once the tears started, they wouldn't stop!

My beautiful husband just walked out of the restaurant, where he'd already ordered drinks, and came to rescue me. Well as soon as I saw him, I became even worse. He must have been so embarrassed! He's seen me have these meltdowns before, but usually it's in the privacy of our own home not in the middle of Friday lunchtime in the CBD!!

He walked with me to the nearest food court, bought me a sandwich & a cold drink & sat there with me while I outpoured all the stress and anxiety that had been building inside me over the past few weeks. Then he went & got his car out of the carpark & drove me back to my car at the Entertainment Centre so I didn't have to take my luck on the trams again. And I made it to school with 5 minutes to spare and a smile on my face.

So I may not have had the lovely lunch date that I'd been looking forward to for weeks but I did have the opportunity to be reminded of how lucky I am to be married to someone who loves me for who I am. Even when I'm being a crazy woman having a meltdown in the middle of the city!

He's home!

2011-04-13T10:24:00.003+09:30

Finally.

Dad was discharged from hospital on Monday, 6 weeks after he first went in. In all honesty though, he's really not well enough to be home. He's having hospital at home care because he's still on IV antibiotics & my poor mum has essentially taken over his nursing care. The hospital gave her a schedule of his medications & now she's the one bathing him & cleaning up his vomit rather than the nurses in hospital.

It's a lot of pressure on Mum. I can't work out what's worse for her. Having to drive 1 hour each way to Flinders hospital every day to sit with Dad there or having to be responsible for his care 24/7 at home. At least when he was in hospital, she could have a break if she needed one. Theoretically, she can leave Dad at home for short periods, but she's worried that if she does & he has a bleed (or something else goes wrong) that no-one will be there to help him.

But the good news is that he's absolutely, definitely on the liver transplant list now. We've been told the average wait is between 2-5 months but some people have had to wait up to 2 years. Without a transplant, Dad's life expectancy is less than 12 months, so we can't afford to wait too long!

Jinxed!

2011-04-13T10:12:00.004+09:30

I knew I shouldn't have posted anything about how many births I'd had in my first week of placement! I had 5 births in my first 6 shifts & then have not had 1 since then!!! To make matters worse, I missed a shift last night & will most likely have to miss tonight's shift too because I'm sick. Argh!

I'm really, really, really feeling stressed about these numbers now. I currently have 18 'normal' births & 20 'complex' care experiences. I need 40 of each to register. By December. Where am I going to get them from??? I have 4 follow throughs left to birth & all going well, I should be able to count 4 births there. Then I have 10 shifts of intrapartum placement next semester. Even if I get 1 birth per shift (which never happens to me!) then that still only gets me up to 32 births & leaves me 20 short on the complex care scenarios too! Stress, stress, stress! I'm definitely going to have to work extra shifts and/or go 'on call' at the hospital for births to get my numbers.

It's so ridiculous that I've done the same amount of clinical time as every other 3rd year mid. student & some are very close to their min. requirements & others, like me, are miles away. It doesn't seem fair that some of us should have to do stacks of extra placement time just to chase signatures. I personally think that our clinical abilities should be assessed & if we're deemed to be competent, then we should pass, regardless of whether we've done 10 or 50 births.

On a positive note, I've had brilliant feedback from the midwives I've worked with on placement. And my confidence in delivery suite has skyrocketed. I'm actually beginning to feel as though I will be ok next year when I'm registered & have to work autonomously. For a long while there, I didn't think I'd ever get to a place where I could say that.

More dot point updates...

2011-04-03T08:58:00.004+09:30

* Dad's out of ICU & back on the normal ward

* As an added bonus we finally found out that the mass in his abdomen is benign so he is now offically on the liver transplant waiting list.

* Dad's planning for him & Mum to join us on our Gold Coast holiday at the end of the year. Of course, he may not be well enough to actually go through with it but at least he's got something positive to look forward to to keep him going through the tough times.

* Placement's going really well so far. Everyone at the hospital is lovely & I've had 4 births in 5 shifts! My total births are up to 17 now which looks much more respectable. I'm still hoping to get to around 25 by the end of my placement. I've got 9 more shifts so I still need 1 per shift to get there.

* Our pool's in! Our yard was excavated on Thursday & the pool was craned in on Friday. It's full now but we're waiting for them to come back this week & filter the water, set up the heating, lights & filter & also give us our blanket. Then we need to wait 6 weeks for the sand/dirt around the pool to settle before we can pave around the edge.

As you can see, there's a million & one things going on here in the Papalia family at the moment!! Busy, busy, busy!!!

Dot point update...

2011-03-31T17:23:00.002+10:30

...because that's all I've got time for.

* Dad finally had his biopsy yesterday YAY!

* I've had 3 births in 4 shifts on placement which equals what I got in a whole 3 weeks at WCH last year DOUBLE YAY!!

* Dad's had another massive bleed from the oesphogeal varices this afternoon & is in theatre as I write this. He'll be going back to ICU once he's out of theatre & we're right back to where we started from 4.5 weeks ago POO BUM SHIT!

Placement time!

2011-03-27T22:20:00.002+10:30

So tomorrow marks the start of the first of my clinical placements for my 3rd & final year. I have an absolutely killer hard roster for the next 3 weeks in delivery suite. I'm working 14 shifts in the next 17 days, with 5 of those being night duties. I'm going to be completely exhausted & will need to be re-aquainted with my family by the end!

I desperately need to get births while I'm on this placement. I need 40 independent births to be able to register at the end of the year & at the moment I only have 13. I'm hoping to bring that up to around the 25 mark by the end of these 3 weeks but that means I pretty much need to average around 1 birth per shift. I'm not sure if that's actually possible since my last intrapartum placement saw me gain only 3 independent births in the whole 3 weeks! One can only hope...

Oh course, I'm suffering with the all the normal pre-placement nerves. Will I make a fool of myself? Will the midwife mentoring me be kind & helpful? Will I live up to the expectations of being a 3rd year student? Do I remember how to deliver a baby safely? Do I remember how to set up the delivery trolly? Or how to set up for an epidural? I know I know how to support women & their partners, if only that were all I was required to do!

I might not update my blog too much in the next 3 weeks...I don't expect to have much time or energy for recreational computer time!

Will we ever know?

2011-03-27T10:09:00.003+10:30

It's been 7 weeks since we were told dad had a mass wrapped around an artery in his abdomen. 7 weeks we've been waiting to know whether it's cancerous or bengin. 7 weeks to know whether he's eligible for a liver transplant or not.

He was booked to have the biopsy done on Tuesday. He was quite ill on Tuesday but they assured us that would not affect the safety of the procedure & they planned to go ahead with it. Since this mass is wrapped around an artery, there's a high risk of them piercing the artery & they need to know his blood will clot appropriately if that happens. So they gave him 4 units of fresh frozen plasma in readiness for the procedure because his own blood does not have enough clotting factors. They took him down to theatre & then it turns out the 1 & only person in the state who's willing to do this biopsy (due to the tenuous position of it) was called away for an emergency & was unavailable. So Dad returned to the ward. As it turned out, when they tested his blood, he still didn't have enough clotting factors anyway, so the procedure would not have been able to go ahead in any case.

So it was re-scheduled for Thursday. This time, they gave him 8 units of plasma since the 4 units wasn't sufficient. Guess what, his clotting factors remained unchanged. Even after 8 units of fresh frozen plasma!!! So they were unable to do the biopsy again.

At this stage, it's re-scheduled for Tuesday. I have no idea what they are going to do to ensure his blood is ok for the biopsy to go ahead. Even the Drs seem confused as to why the plasma is not helping the situation.

We just want to know what we're dealing with. Soon.

A reminder not to get too comfortable...

2011-03-22T10:11:00.003+10:30

So a few hours ago I posted about Dad & how he was pretty much stable but still having to undergo tests etc. 5 minutes ago Mum texted me this:
Danny not good today. Confused. Rigors. Very yellow. Looks pathetic. Had to have a bed bath. See we should never get complacent

This is what's so frustrating with Dad's condition. Yes, he's been very sick but he's been well enough in himself (if that makes sense!) since he came out of ICU. I saw him Sunday morning & he was able to sit up in bed & chat to us for a little while & said he felt ok. 48 hours later & now look where he is. And the frustrating thing is, it'll probably delay all the tests even more now too!

An update on Dad

2011-03-22T06:55:00.002+10:30

Nothing much's changed with regards to Dad over the past week. He was transferred to Flinders hospital last Tuesday (which was an absolute debacle but one I don't have time or energy to blog about) & they have just been continuing his care there.

He had to have another 4 oesophegeal varices banded the other day that were threatening to burst. So it's scary to know that they're still forming because they were what caused the huge bleed 3 weeks ago. He's still waiting to have the biopsy but that should be happening this week. He also has to have a colonscopy because they think there's been a thickening of the bowel. Oh & just because things aren't shit enough already, he's now got a hospital acquired infection & has to have IV antibiotics for the next 6 weeks!

He generally feels tired & lethargic. He can't walk more than tiny distances without being completely exhausted. He can't carry a conversation for longer than about 30 minutes without being completely exhausted. He has no appetite or taste for food & basically doesn't eat. He's been in hospital for just over 3 weeks now & he just wants to come home.

A change is as good as a holiday.

2011-03-12T22:09:00.004+10:30

Our main bedroom has been exactly the same for around 5 years now. Same quilt cover, same paint on the walls, same pictures, blah, blah, blah. I can't handle it. I got bored with it about 3 years ago but Joe keeps giving me a guilt trip about wanting to change it. He can't understand why I would spend money to replace a perfectly good quilt cover for no good reason.

Meh. He's a boy. What would he know?

So I've just decided I'm going to do it. Not right now because things are crazy mad for me right now until the middle of May but after that I should have time to get it organised.

I've been looking at quilt covers. For some reason, I find it very hard to find quilt covers that I actually like. I'm not sure why that is really.

I originally thought I would just get a plain quilt cover in an off-white & then accessorize with a nice teal blue or purple type colour but I was looking online tonight & found some quilt covers I like that have a white or cream base & then a bit of colour on them. Now I can't decide which one I like best!

I'm tossing up between these three...

I wish I could see them in real life, to help me decide. It's so hard sometimes trying to buy off the internet.

Actually maybe I should ask Joe which one he likes...that might help me guide my decision.

It's been a few days...

2011-03-11T23:04:00.003+10:30

...since I've updated on how Dad's going.

He's still at the Lyell McEwin because they're still waiting for a bed to become available for him to be transferred to Flinders. He really, really, REALLY wants to come home until a bed's available for him there but he's just not well enough. He's been running a low grade temperature all week, he still has ascites (fluid accumulating in his abdomen) & pulmonary oedema (fluid on his lungs), his blood pressure remains very low & some of his blood results are all out of whack.

I think over the past few days, the reality of how sick he really is has actually set in. Twice now he's tried to go for little walks down the corridor of the hospital & it completely exhausts him & leaves him breathless. As a result, he's talking about buying a mobility scooter for when he gets home but then apparently he said something to mum about how "it's a lot of money to spend if he only uses it for a few weeks & then dies". Nothing like a positive attitude. Mum started the process for getting a disability parking permit today because she's fully aware of the fact that Dad just won't be able to walk anything other than extremely short distances any time in the near future.

The liver transplant team rang Mum today to advise her that they expect to have a bed available at some stage over the (long) weekend. Assuming a bed does become available, Dad will move there & then have the biopsy on his abdominal mass early next week. Hopefully then we will finally know where we stand. If it's benign then he's definitely on the liver transplant waiting list but if it's cancerous then all bets are off & it's palliative care only. The person that rang her also felt the need to make sure Mum was aware of the fact that Dad's "a critically ill man". Gee, thanks for pointing out the obvious.

So we just keep plodding along, one day at a time, as we wait to see where this journey takes our family.

It's a mother's right to brag

2011-03-08T11:50:00.002+10:30

Look at these pictures my gorgeous Emily made on Sunday...

I don't think she had a chance to finish the last one because there's no picture. Gosh, I love my girls so much!

What a roller coaster

2011-03-07T22:05:00.003+10:30

In the last 24-48 hours, Dad's made a remarkable recovery. He's been relieved of all his wires & tubes (cannulas, an arterial line, catheter, ecg etc) & has been weaned off the hi-flow O2 & is just on nasal specs. Yesterday they moved him out of intensive care & into high dependency & then today they moved him to a ward bed.

No-one can quite believe the difference. This time last week we thought (& were told) he wasn't going to survive the night. What a roller coaster ride this last week has been.

Mum spoke to the liver transplant team today & they've told her that as far as they're concerned, Dad's still a candidate for a transplant until such time as something happens to discredit that. So now we're back to where we were a week ago & waiting to find out if this mass in his abdomen is cancerous or not. As soon as there's a bed available at Flinders, they're going to transfer him there for the biopsy & hopefully we'll know sooner rather than later what the outcome of that is.

Mum's very anxious about him coming home. It's extremely hard on her having to care for him while he's this ill & the night times are the worst. He pretty much sleeps all day & then is up in pain & vomiting at night which means Mum can never rest properly because she's always listening out for him to make sure he's ok. Seeing him vomit up so much blood last week & being so close to dying has completely & understandably freaked her out. I've tried to encourage her to speak to the social worker about it but she's refused. Hopefully they'll both be ok...

Still plugging along

2011-03-05T22:22:00.003+10:30

Dad was actually reasonably good in himself today. He was reasonably comfortable & he was able to have some short conversations with us tonight.

Apparently though, he had a shocking night last night & actually went into heart failure. As I wasn't personally at the family meeting with the Dr, I'm not sure how they managed to stabalise his condition (since Dad is not for resuscitation) but I do know he went back on the CPAP for a little while & that they'd given him an anti-hypertensive. The nurse that cared for him last night told us that he was yelling out at them to "help him end it".

So considering the sort of night he'd had, he was reasonably ok today.

The Drs told mum that his liver is completely shot, he has fluid on his lungs & now his heart is failing. They also think his kidneys are on not functioning effectively. They basically are just managing what they can as they go along.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring...

Life sucks

2011-03-03T20:55:00.003+10:30

I wasn't planning on going to the hospital today until later on tonight but I had a tradesperson not show up this morning so I suddenly had some free time I wasn't expecting to have. I'm so glad I did.

It turns out I arrived at the hospital at the same time as mum & before we'd even reached Dad's bedside, his nurse was warning us there'd been some changes overnight. He's now got fluid on his lungs & his pain continues to worsen. The nurse informed us that the Dr had requested a bedside family meeting for 1:00 & she made it quite clear we needed to ensure all immediate family were available. So I cancelled my other plans & stayed at the hospital.

The purpose of the meeting was for the Drs to clearly define our wishes in regards to resuscitation. In consultation with Dad & the medical & nursing staff, we've decided he's not for any form of resuscitation or airway support other than the hi-flow oxygen (which is a step down from the CPAP). Until this afternoon, they've been strictly limiting his pain relief for fear of reducing his blood pressure too much & Dad was having 9/10 pain today but now that we've documented our wishes, they'll give him adequate pain relief & comfort cares only. While we were out picking the girls up from school, Dad apparently asked the nurse to help him go and he told Tanya that he can't fight anymore & just wants to go. He's really just had enough & has no fight left in him.

So now we just wait. We've got no idea how long we can expect him to hold on for yet it feels a bit morbid to actually ask the Drs that question.

The girls know where we're at. I didn't want it to be a huge shock when we suddenly announce that he's died. They're very fragile at the moment, especially Caitlyn.

Would it be terribly wrong for me to say I hope it's over soon? I don't know how long our family can continue on in this no-mans-land for.

Another update

2011-03-02T23:12:00.005+10:30

I spent most of the day at the hospital with Dad again today. They ceased his sedation & extubated him at 10:30 this morning so that was nice to have him awake & able to talk to us a little bit. It wasn't too long after that though that he went on CPAP because he wasn't able to maintain enough O2 saturation with just a mask. At least he can still communicate with us on the CPAP though.

He has no memory of coming to hospital at all & was shocked when we told him it was Wednesday today & he'd been in there for 2 nights. The last thing he remembers about Monday night was vomiting blood at home. He doesn't remember the ambulance ride or anything about what happened at hospital. He told us today that he thought he was going to die on Monday night. We didn't have the heart to tell him that we (& the doctors!) thought he was going to die too.

He doesn't appear to have had any further bleeding at this stage. He's got huge amounts of fluid accumulating in his abdomen though. They drained 2L yesterday & another 2L today but he still looks like he's pregnant!

He said he was relatively pain free during the day today but Joe & I went back around 6:30-7:00 tonight & he was in a fair bit of pain & he had quite bad rigors. This is pretty normal for him to be reasonable during the day & then collapse in a heap at night. They gave him some fentanyl while we were there & I rang back around 9:30 & they said he was much more comfortable & that the rigors had settled. He has spiked a bit of temp. later on today though. It's nothing they're concerned about at this stage so hopefully it doesn't worsen overnight. An infection is the last thing he needs on top of everything he's dealing with.

I'm absolutely dead on my feet & feel as though I've achieved nothing over the past 2 days. And of course, I'm eating myself into oblivion because I'm an emotional eater from way back. I suppose that's the least of my worries at the moment though, isn't it?

An update on Dad

2011-03-01T16:58:00.003+10:30

Mum & I have spent the day at the hospital with Dad. He's still on the ventilator & they expect him to remain on it until at least tomorrow. When I left today, I counted 7 IV infusions, a urinary catheter (draining port wine urine!), a paracentesis drain & of course the ventilator. He's in a bit of a mess!

The Dr's have been very upfront with us & said that although there is a chance he may recover from this & still be able to be considered for a liver transplant, the most likely scenario is that he will deteriorate further & most likely die from his condition.

Dad has stated quite clearly that he does not want any resuscitative efforts to prolong his life &, as hard as it is for us, we need to respect his wishes.

It's a day by day proposition at the moment. Hopefully I might have some better news to report tomorrow.

My faith in SA health is restored

2011-03-01T08:44:00.005+10:30

Last night was up there as one of the worst nights of my life. My Dad is currently on a ventilator in ICU at LMH & his life is really in hanging in the balance at the moment.

At around 7:45pm yesterday, Mum rings me. All she said is "I need you. Can you come over?". I could tell she was crying. Luckily Joe was home & the girls were in bed so I just grabbed my bag & went straight away. It's literally only a 1 min drive to my Mum & Dad's house but in that minute my mind was racing. I had no idea what I was going to be walking into when I got there.

When I got to Mum's she was on the phone crying & waving me through to the bedrooms. I later found out she was on the phone to the ambulance service. I was walking up the short hallway in mum & dad's house not sure where I was going to find Dad or what state he would be in when I got there.

I heard him before I saw him. He was moaning in pain. I found him sitting on the edge of his bed vomiting copious amounts of blood & clots into a bucket. This is an image that will be permanently etched into my mind. I got him a wet flannel to wipe his mouth & a drink to wash his mouth out. Mum got off the phone & told me she couldn't face him like that & she was going to go out & wait for the ambulance. So I stayed with Dad. He just kept vomiting & vomiting. The bucket was approx. 1/3 full & it was pure bright red blood. I was terrified. I had to fight the urge to scream out to mum to make the ambulance come faster. I knew that would just scare her more so I just held my breath & waited. I was reviewing my basic life support skills in my head as I stood there as I was terrified I was actually going to have to use them. On my Dad.

When the ambulance got there, they took one look at the bucket full of blood & said they were going to take him straight to LMH. They took his blood pressure & it was 90/55. He was still moaning with the pain. They took him out of the house in a little tiny wheelchair & transferred him to the stretcher on the front porch. Once up on the stretcher, he vomited more blood. About 750ml in their little vomit bag. You could see the concern on their faces. They told us they were going to go "lights & sirens" to the hospital "just to be safe". They asked Mum whether they were allowed to resuscitate him if they needed to which was like a slap on the face with a wet dish rag.

When we got to the hospital, Dad was in a resus room & we were ushered in the "relatives lounge" to wait for the Dr to come & see us. The Dr told us he was critical. Mum asked whether we should get Tanya to the hospital too. The Dr told us it would be a good idea. She told us that Dad had clearly stated he did not want to be resuscitated. The plan was that they were going to take him to theatre to do an endoscope to see where the bleeding was coming from & that then Dad would be going to ICU after that.

After we spoke to the Dr, we were able to go & see Dad. He's in a resus bay with approx. 10 staff rushing around him, he is yellow like a neon sign (his billirubin levels are 340 & normal is <20), his abdomen is distended & he basically looks like shit. He's got O2 on, 3 IV lines in, he's already having a mass transfusion of blood, packed cells & frozen plasma. They estimate he's lost 2.5L of blood volume & he's already got reduced clotting factors due to his liver disease. They tell us he might not survive the anaesthetic & they might not be able to stop the bleeding but taking him to theatre was their only option.

By the time they took Dad to theatre, he was feeling much better. He'd stopped vomiting blood, his blood pressure had stablised & he was even able to have a joke or too with the Drs. We went & waited in the OR waiting room.

After around 1.5 hours, the Dr came to see us. We got the speech that no family wants to hear from a Dr. Without going into details, he told us Dad was bleeding "torrentially" & he did his best to band all the bleeding vessels but he couldn't guarantee he got them all because he said Dad's stomach & oesophagus were full of blood & visibility was an issue. He also couldn't guarantee the bands would hold against the counter pressure being applied by the diseased liver & we should basically prepare ourselves for the worst. He told us not to worry about this unknown mass in his abdomen because it was inconsequential. He is in the final stages of liver disease & might only have a few days/weeks to live anyway. Awesome.

Mum & Tanya & I just sat there in the waiting room stunned. We cried & hugged each other but barely a word was spoken for the next 45 minutes.

We eventually got into ICU to see Dad at around 12:30am. He was stable at that stage & on a ventilator. Not for resuscitation but because they need to keep his airway open to prevent him from aspirating on the blood. As soon as they're confident the bleeding stopped, they'll reduce his sedation & remove the tube. He looked peaceful but we know his body is fighting a mighty fight.

We're not sure what the next few days & weeks will bring. Hopefully when we go to see him today, we might know more.

Last night was horrible but I fear there are more horrible times ahead for us yet.

On the placement bandwagon again

2011-02-28T06:54:00.004+10:30

It's only 4 weeks today until I go out on clinical placement again. We all put our venue preferences in AGES ago. In the past it's only taken a week after the closing of preferences for us to be allocated our venues but, due to a new system, it took a whole lot longer than that this time. Many of my friends are still waiting for their allocations due to stupid & incomprehensible rules about having to complete CPR updates before they're due in order to be able to access the system.

Anyway, I was very surprised to see that I'd been allocated all my 1st preferences! Only once before have I been allocated a 1st preference so to get 3 in 1 go was a huge shock. I start my 6 week placement with 3 weeks at the Lyell McEwin (LMH) in their delivery suite. Then I have a week off before I head back to LMH again for 2 weeks in their special care nursery. Then I have a 4 week break from clinical before I have just 1 week with the midwifery group practice midwives at the WCH.

I'm really excited about spending a large chunk of time at LMH because I'm pretty sure it's where I want to go for my grad. year next year. This experience will give me the chance to see how I feel about working at the hospital & also give them a chance to get to know me. I think it's important that when they see my application come across their desk, they can put a face to a name & have some idea of what sort of employee I'd be.

Uni officially starts back again today. My first class is from 9-5 on Friday. I've already seen the course information for this semester & I've got my first assignment due in 3 weeks! Guess I'd better start getting back into the swing of things sooner rather than later.

Let down by SA Health

2011-02-24T06:50:00.006+10:30

My Dad is just getting sicker & sicker :( He's had the week of testing in preparation for the liver transplant but all that did was uncover all these other things he has wrong with him. One of the things they discovered was a mass wrapped around a blood vessel in his abdomen. One week since we were told about the mass, we're still waiting to find out if it's cancerous or benign. If it's cancer, the transplant is off the table & my Dad will get palliative care only. He's only 63.

Anyway.

Yesterday, he was rolling around in agony & had a profuse nose bleed that wouldn't stop. He also had blood in his stools. So under the advise of the liver transplant team, my mum rang an ambulance for him. At mum's request, the ambos took him to the Royal Adelaide hospital because even though it's not the closest hospital to home, because the liver team can treat him there. When the ambos left dad tried hard to convince mum not to bother coming in. Luckily for mum she ignored his requests & decided to follow the ambulance in her car.

When she arrived at the hospital, she found Dad slumped over in a chair in the waiting room by himself. She asked him if he had been triaged & he said he thought he had. An hour later, Mum thought she'd just go & check. Nope. He hadn't been triaged. The ambos had just dumped him in the waiting room & left him there without even telling anyone he was there! Maybe they thought Dad could do it himself but he couldn't stand at the desk for that long, let alone give them an accurate description of what's going on with him.

What if Mum had have listened to Dad & not followed him into the hospital? How long would he have sat there unattended for in the waiting room? As it turns out, they ended up leaving after 4 hours without getting treatment because Dad couldn't tolerate sitting there for any longer & they couldn't get him a bed to lie down.

I'm so angry that he wasn't well looked after. We're devastated because before he was under that care of the liver transplant team, we used to be able to just ring his specialist, who would ring ahead to the St Andrews hospital & when mum & dad would get there, they would be put in a bed & treated straight away. Now they're at the mercy of the public health system & are being shafted.

A slap in the face

2011-02-14T21:12:00.003+10:30

This year the WCH decided to change the AIMS uniform from a pale blue polo top to a dark emerald green shirt. Unfortunately as I am apparently an elephant woman & need a size larger than most, I have to wait 6-8 weeks for my uniform to be available. All the other skinny little things that I'm working with have got their green shirts but I have the indignity of having to front up for work for the next little while in the old pale blue polo because that's all they had in my size.

So today was my first shift on the ward & I was there with 2 other AIMs who both have their green shirts already. I had 6 different people ask me why I didn't have the new shirt yet. That's 6 different people I had to tell that I didn't have my shirt because they didn't have them in stock in my gigantic size. I was so ashamed & humiliated.

Did this experience motivate me more to persevere with trying to lose weight I hear you ask? No. It did not.

In fact it had the complete opposite effect & made me want to come running home to a family size block of chocolate. I didn't actually do that but I really, really wanted to.

Blah!

I'm now officially an employee

2011-02-11T11:51:00.004+10:30

I had my 2 days of corporate orientation at the hospital on Monday & Tuesday of this week. Monday was quite possibly the most boring day ever as it was filled with big wigs in suits talking about things such as corporate governance, WCH mission & values, ethics, cultural safety, fire safety, OH&S, infection control, ANF (union) etc, etc. BORING!

Tuesday was much more interesting as it was more job specific orientation with all the other AIMs. There's 13 of us starting at the moment, 6 from UniSA & 7 from Flinders with another 3 to start in a month or so. They originally employed 17 of us but one had to withdraw because she failed one of her exams. That would suck!

My next shift is on Monday & that will be my ward orientation. I'm not sure what that will actually entail or how that could possibly fill in a whole shift. Normally when I go somewhere on placement, I'm lucky if I get a 5 minute ward orientation just so I basically know where the toilet is, where the tea room is & where to put my bag. A whole day seems like a bit of a luxury but maybe there'll be some clinical education or something involved too.

After the ward orientation, my next shift will see me working 1 on 1 with the clinical educator so that she can supervise my work & sign off on tasks that I am competent to perform independently & without supervision. Hopefully that shouldn't pose any major problems for me & then from the next shift after that, I'll be expected to work independently.

I can't speak highly enough of how thorough the orientation has been & how well supported the AIM programme seems to be. Hopefully, it's a good indication of what it's like to work at the hospital. I just can't wait to get started, both for the experience & the money!

Speaking of money...I should actually get paid next Thursday. Real money!!! I've almost forgotten what that feels like :)

The birth of Chloe & Liam

2011-01-31T11:15:00.007+10:30

Tanya rang me at 5:35 on the morning of Thursday the 27th of January to say she was in hospital because her waters had broken. She wasn't having contractions yet & she was waiting for the obstetrician to come in & see her around 8:30-9:00. She asked me if I could please come in because Jeff wanted to go to work to finish some things off before he started his leave. I couldn't believe he would just dump her at the hospital & leave her by herself at a time like that so of course I said I would get there as soon as I could get the girls up & organised. I called Mum to let her know what was going on & we managed to get the girls to vacation care (thank goodness they were booked in for that day!) & ourselves to the hospital by around 8:15.

Nothing much was happening. Tanya was on the CTG & only having a few niggles, nothing you would really call contractions. The OB came in at around 8:45 & examined her. She was 3-4cm, 50% effaced & baby was still high at -2 station. He said he pushed her membranes back off twin 1's head while he was in there. He wrote an order for the Syntocinon drip to be started & said he would come back after lunch.

Although Tanya started having contractions almost as soon as the Synt. started, they were only mild & reasonably incoordinate. At 12:00 she had an epidural put in as was already agreed with the OB. The midwife did another VE at 1:30 & said Tanya was still only 3cm dilated but could be stretched to 4cm. She also said the presenting twin was slightly asynclitic (tilted to the side) & her head wasn't well applied to the cervix which was most likely why it wasn't dilating.

Fast forward to 6:30 when the OB returned from being in theatre at another hospital all afternoon. He did another VE & found that Tanya still had not progressed from 3cm. Baby's head was still high, asynclitic & poorly applied to the cervix. Everyone was very disappointed. Poor Tanya was on the verge of tears when he told her she was still 3cm. The Synt. was already at the max. drip rate & had been for quite a few hours by this point so there was nothing more we could do other than wait. Tanya, Jeff & the OB discussed their options & they all agreed the OB would go home & then come back around 9 to reassess the situation.

After he left there were big discussions about what the plan of attack would be if Tanya still hadn't progressed at the next examination. Tanya & Jeff were both very strongly in favour of vaginal birth & really wanted to continue on this path. The babies were both happy & Tanya was feeling fine. The midwife tried to prepare them for the strong possibility that they were going to have to have a cesarean delivery instead of a vaginal birth but we all still hoped that the next VE would paint a different picture.

The OB returned at 9pm as promised & we were all hoping that he was going to announce that there'd been progress but unfortunately, Tanya was still only 3cm dilated. He strongly advised Tanya & Jeff to consider a cesarean & they reluctantly agreed. It was not where they wanted to end up at all.

I had been with Tanya for around 13 hours at that point & as a student midwife, I'm only allowed to stay with women for a maximum of 12 hours. I was worried the midwife or OB would ask me to leave but luckily the midwife told me I could come with them to theatre but I was not allowed to have any hands-on since I'd already been there so long. I was happy with that. It meant I could still be there to witness my niece & nephew being born & support Tanya & Jeff through a scary & uncertain time for them without the pressure of having to receive babies & assess them. I just got to sit back, watch & enjoy & take lots of photos. Tanya & Jeff are so grateful to have so many photos of the birth that they wouldn't have otherwise have had if I wasn't there so at least I was useful for something ;)

Ready & waiting to go to theatre.
Jeff trying to pretend he's interested in the tennis
on the tv when he's secretly freaking out!
So the delightful Miss Chloe was born at 10:09pm on the 27th of January & her little brother followed at 10:10pm. The procedure went like clockwork & both babies came out beautifully pink & crying which is what we like to see. Although as they were only 36+5 weeks, they were taken to the nursery while Tanya was still in theatre & once there it was discovered they both had low temps & low BSLs. The ended up staying in the nursery overnight & my heart broke for Tanya to come back from an operation she didn't want to not be able to have her babies with her. She didn't see them again until 10:00am the next morning :(

They've had a few problems feeding which is due to their slightly early start to life but when I spoke to Tanya this morning she said they're both feeding off the breast really well today. Chloe didn't have supplementary feeds at all yesterday & since her milk's come in today, she's hoping she might be able to feed them both only from the breast today. That would be an awesome achievement!

And after initial discussions that Liam might need to stay a bit longer in hospital after Tanya was discharged, the paediatrician has today cleared both babies for discharge with Tanya on Wednesday morning. We're all so thrilled that Tanya will get to take both her babies home with her & hopefully they'll both go home being fully breastfed!

I feel so honoured to have been able to support Tanya & Jeff through this pregnancy & their birth & it was such a privilege to see these 2 precious little babies being born.

Welcome to the world little Chloe & Liam. You are very much loved xxx

They're here!!

2011-01-29T00:46:00.004+10:30

I'd like you to meet my new niece & nephew...

Chloe Olivia George
Born at 10:09pm, 27th January 2011
3240gm (7lb 2oz)

Liam Hudson George
Born at 10:10pm, 27th January 2011
2730gm (6lb)

Proud Aunty Melissa holding her 2 little cherubs (Liam on the left & Chloe on the right)

I want to tell the story of their birth but it's so late & I'm exhausted so for now it's just photos & then the story can follow tomorrow :)

Not long now!

2011-01-25T22:06:00.002+10:30

My sister (Tanya) has made it to 36+3 weeks pregnant & is booked for an induction on Thursday night/Friday. She's hypertensive (high blood pressure) & having big problems with pelvic/hip pain & also the skin on her abdomen so the Dr has decided enough's enough. He did a stretch & sweep today & I just spoke to her & she said she's had niggles on & off since then so she's really hoping she'll go into spontaneous labour before Friday. If not, at least she knows for certain that she only has to endure 2 more days of being pregnant & she'll get to meet her babies very soon!

I'm excited & terrified all rolled into one! Tanya told me on Sunday that the only thing she's written in her birth plan is that she wants me to deliver her babies if at all possible. I'm really feeling the pressure of her expectation & I just hope everything goes smoothly & I can deliver at least one of the babies without complication. What an honour that would be!

Tour Down Under 2011

2011-01-22T20:26:00.003+10:30

Joe & his friend Ange have been doing spin classes at the gym for 12 months or so & decided about 3 months ago that they wanted to ride in the Tour Down Under (TDU) community challenge. They signed up for the 92km leg from Gumeracha to Strathalbyn. Oh yeah, and they didn't even own a bike at the time that they signed up!

Joe bought his bike around 6 weeks ago & the 2 of them started going for a bike ride every Sunday morning. They gradually built up their distance & did 2 x 90km rides in the 2 weeks leading up to the TDU but did very little hills training.

They both found the ride very difficult & both admitted that they wouldn't have been able to complete it if it wasn't for the support & encouragement of the other so they were very proud of themselves. And I was very proud of them!

I drove down to Strathalbyn to meet them & I left home with what I thought was plenty of time to get there & get a good spot to see them approach the finish line but I had a terrible trip up there & ended up getting there about 10 minutes after they did. I was so disappointed & I cried for about 5 minutes after Joe rang me to say he'd finished already :(

I got caught up amongst the riders for a part of the journey & this slowed me down dramatically! I was planning on taking a particular route but when I got to the turn off I wanted to take the police had closed it & I had to continue on the route with the cyclists. I was stuck in amongst them, driving at an average speed of approx.30kmph for 25kms! Then at the next town they had a detour for cars off the cyclists track which I was initially pleased about until I missed the 2nd detour sign & ended up on a dirt track! So I turned around & went back to the original detour & found the right way to go & then got stuck behind a car doing 50kmph on the 80kmph stretch from Macclesfield to Strathalbyn. The road was double-lined the whole way due to the twists & turns so I couldn't overtake. Then when I eventually parked the car at Strathalbyn, I went to catch the shuttle bus from the car park to the race & the person in front of me in the line took the last seat on the bus & I was told I had to wait 15 min. for the next bus. I decided to walk in & it was when I was walking that Joe rang me to say he'd just crossed the finish line. I was devastated & felt like such a bad wife for not being there to cheer him on :( I tried to convince him & Ange to go back & ride the final stretch again so I could see them but they weren't keen for some strange reason lol.

They're already planning to ride the full leg next year & Joe's trying to convince me I need to train up so I can join them. Yeah right, like that's going to happen! Next year, I'll make sure I plan a route that doesn't intercept the riders though so I can have some hope of getting there on time to see them ride into the finish line.

You could have knocked me over with a feather!

2011-01-20T23:21:00.003+10:30

At the end of last year I did a short 1 week placement stint in the Women's Assessment Service (WAS) at the Women's & Children's hospital. On the 1st day in there I was assigned to work with a particular midwife named Kylie. We hit it off straight away. About half way through our shift, she approached the team leader & asked if she could work with me for whenever our shifts corresponded for the rest of the week. So I ended up working with her for 3 out of the 5 shifts. It was awesome to get continuity & she pushed me to do things I wouldn't have otherwise done because she knew what I was capable of. She wrote a very favourable clinical report for me & in turn I wrote a little report for her to put in her portfolio to show she meets her competency of fostering professional development in others.

Fast forward to tonight when I receive a FB friend request from her. As soon as I accepted, she sent me a message telling me she was unexpectedly pregnant & she wants me to be her student midwife. Wow! I couldn't believe that out of all the students she must come across on a daily basis, she bothered to look me up to ask me to share such a special & private time in her life.

Of course I accepted!

As I nervously await the call to attend the birth of my sister's twins, it's given me a much needed boost to my confidence. Although I must say I feel quite anxious about the thought of having a midwife as a follow-through. I'd better not make any mistakes or do any thing stupid lol!

My skin issues

2011-01-18T12:10:00.003+10:30

After surviving my teenage years with barely a pimple, I now suffer with adult acne which seemed to develop after having my girls. I'm pretty lazy with skin care although I have always used a cleanser & moisturise with SPF every day. On the weekend I came up with 4 massive pimples. They were noticeable enough that my darling Caitlyn said to me "Mum, you know you can get cream to help get rid of pimples". When I told her that I did actually know that & that I was using cream but still got pimples anyway she told me I should use the cream that Avril Lavigne uses (proactive) because that really works lol.

So on the back of that little conversation, I decided enough's enough & that the time had come to admit my supermarket cleanser & moisturiser plus the chemist pimple cream wasn't cutting the mustard. It was time to put my hand in my purse & fork out for some decent skin care.

Yesterday I went into the city & ended up at the Clinique counter. I used to use Clinique all the time before I had children & was always happy with it so thought I would go back to what I know. The lady asked me a stack of questions & ended up recommending their anti-blemish 3 step routine. I used it last night & this morning & I might be crazy but I think my skin already looks better. In fact I saw my mum before & she asked me if I'd done something different with my skin because the colour looked more even. So maybe I'm not imagining the overnight difference. I really, really hope it works well for my skin & makes it look clearer & less red. I'm not overly impressed about paying the big bucks for skin care but if it can clear everything up then I'll be converted.

I'm already thinking about adding the eye cream & anti-aging night cream to my collection ;)

Splish splash

2011-01-15T17:26:00.003+10:30

Joe & I are 99% sure we're going to get a pool in the backyard. We've been thinking about moving for around 12 months now & we've looked at lots of places but to get what we really, really want is going to cost us about $100-$200K more than we can afford. We just can't justify settling spending a lot of money & still settling for 2nd best so we've pretty much decided we'll live with the travel distance to & from school & stay were we are. We do love our house here & love the area, it's just the 1hr round trip to & from school twice a day that's a bit of a downer.

But to sweeten the deal, we're thinking about putting a pool in here. We don't have a huge amount of room but, as we've discovered, it's enough to still put a decent size pool in.

We've already got 2 quotes & we've got 1 more guy coming out Tuesday to give us a 3rd & then we'll make a decision & go from there. Unfortunately it's not going to be installed in time to swim this summer but it'll be well & truly ready to go for next year. We're going to put solar heating on it too to extend the swimming time. People have told us that with solar heating you can pretty much swim 7-8 months of the year - sounds pretty good to us!

This is the 1 we're most likely going to go with, The Napoli.

How exciting!

Facebook feelings

2011-01-14T22:25:00.002+10:30

I've been very active on FB for more than 2 years now. I post all my family photos on there & often update my status with my thoughts & experiences relating to family life & my studies. For some strange reason, all of a sudden I'm feeling very exposed. I'm not sure why but I'm suddenly not comfortable with having my private life so accessible to so many people. I have over 200 'friends' on FB, many of whom are people I only know from online forums that I've never actually met in real life. Some are other midwifery students that have basically only added me because they recognise my name from the discussion boards at uni. Some are long lost family members or people I went to school with that I haven't heard from in years & years.

I'm thinking about doing a really, really radical cull & only keeping people on there that I actually know & am friends with in real life. People who I know will be actually interested in seeing my photos and who are will support me through the trials & tribulations of my studies.

The only thing holding me back is that I might offend some people that I drop off my 'friend' list. You know, people like the Aunty you haven't seen for years but who likes looking at the photos of your children, or the person you went to school with you likes to keep up to date with what you're doing now. I thought that if I culled my list right down & then made myself invisible to searches, people that actually care that I've dropped them off that might just think I've left FB if they can't find me again. Then they might not be so offended.

Or maybe I've just got too high an opinion of myself & people won't really care or even notice that they can't access my page anymore lol?

Headache, headache, go away

2011-01-05T11:26:00.003+10:30

After giving up buying soft drink for home during 2010, I relapsed a couple of months ago & fell back into the bad habit of drinking Coke Zero at home. I was easily drinking 2L a day & besides being terrible for me, it was costing us a fortune! So just before Christmas I decided that once my stash was gone, I wasn't going to buy any more. What I had in the cupboard lasted me until the morning of New Year's Day.

I'm now into my 5th day of no Coke at home & I'm not really missing it at all but I'm still suffering with terrible headaches. They didn't start until the afternoon of the 2nd but here we are now on the 5th & I've still got a headache. My muscles have been aching too like I've run a marathon or something (which of course I haven't lol!). I've been drowning myself in water to try to get through this withdrawal period as quickly as possible but it doesn't seem to be helping. The stuff must be really toxic to have such a bad effect on the body when you stop drinking it.

I really hope that tomorrow will be the day I wake up without a headache!

2010 in review

2010-12-30T14:11:00.002+10:30

2010 has been a pretty good year for us *touch wood*. My dad's illness has obviously been very stressful but most other aspects of our family life have been great. Joe & I had a child-free, all expenses paid holiday to the Gold Coast in February courtesy of his work. That was amazing & so relaxing! My sister got married in April & is now expecting 2 new little babies anytime in the next 5 weeks. Our girls moved schools in May which was stressful but ended up being a great decision. I'm continually finding new things that I love about our school & we're so thrilled with it. The girls have all settled in really well & all received fantastically positive reports for the end of the year. Throughout the year, I personally "delivered" 13 babies & assisted in the births of around another 20 or so. And I've recently been offered the Assistant in Midwifery job which is something I've been hoping to do since I first started my course. My clinical skills & confidence have progressed a lot over the past 12 months although I still worry about whether I'm ready to cope with the pressure & expectation that comes with being a 3rd year student.

Unfortunately though, I didn't meet my health & lifestyle goals that I set myself for this year. I don't have any excuses & can't really explain why, I just didn't. Of course, I only have myself to blame for that one but I'm really going to work hard to make sure that I am healthier & weigh significantly less by NYE 2011 than I do now.

Hopefully 2011 will see me finish my degree & score a graduate job at either Lyell McEwin or Women's & Children's hospital. All going well, I hope to play a significant part in the birth of my niece and nephew in January sometime and in order to complete the requirements of my course, I need to actively participate in at least another 27 births between now & this time next year. I plan to go to Dubai for 3 weeks in October for an overseas placement (if I get accepted!). I also hope my Dad gets his new liver sooner rather than later & recovers well from the surgery so that he & Mum can get their life back to normal.

I'm not making any resolutions this NYE. Every year I promise myself to lose weight, spend less time on the computer, be a better wife & mother etc, etc. This year I'm just going to celebrate the end of what has been a pretty good year & look forward to whatever 2011 will bring for me & my wonderful family.

Gifts for Boy George & Girl George

2010-12-25T20:32:00.003+10:30

My sister, Tanya, is 32 weeks pregnant today. She's doing really well considering she's carrying two good size babies in there (at last measure they were already both just a smidge under 2kg & measuring a couple of weeks ahead of dates). I wanted to make something little for the babies for Christmas just on the off chance that they might have decided to join us before now. Thankfully they've stayed where they belong for now but I still gave Tanya the gifts anyway.

Meet Penelope the Empathetic Monster made with love for Boy George...

And Daphne & Delilah the Momma & Baby Monster made with love for Girl George...

They're not perfect but I think they're pretty cute & if my girls are anything to judge by, they will be well loved by my new niece & nephew down the track. My girls are already nagging me to make some knitted toys for them now!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T08:46:00.004+10:30

Wow, it's been a long time since I blogged. We have been busy with a capital B! The last 2 weeks of school were hectic with swimming lessons & excursions. Add to that, final rehearsals & then the ballet concert on the 12th & we were all glad when December 13th finally rolled around.

The first 2 weeks of the school holidays have been equally as busy with play dates, Christmas preparations & family stuff. My dad hasn't been well & was actually re-admitted to hospital yesterday because he was vomiting up blood and was extremely lethargic & confused. It's very sad that he's in hospital for Christmas Day but he really needed to be there. We'll be going in to spend time with him after lunch today. It's so sad watching him deteriorate like he is.

It's quite ironic that the first chance I've had to sit & update my blog is actually on Christmas day itself! We usually have family here pretty much all day but since Dad is in hospital Mum, my sister & her husband are going there this morning. They'll then come here for lunch & this year, my IL's are joining us too. So we've got a few hours to wait yet before anyone gets here.

I finally got my uni results earlier this week. I managed to scrape through with a Distinction which was a relief. I thought I was definitely shooting for a Credit so I was very happy with a D. There were huge issues with the marking of our final assignment & out of all my friends I got the highest grade (a Credit). All of my friends got P1's or P2's which was a huge shock because we're all usually strong students who consistently achieve D's & HD's. I was disappointed with my C until I heard that others had done much worse. According to our lecturer, the assignment was "handled very poorly by most" & apparently many people failed. It was worth 45% of our final grade and consequently the little grade distribution chart tells me that approx. 11 people (out of 47) either failed the subject or have an incomplete grade. It was brutal. It's lucky the exam was relatively easy & most did really well otherwise I'm sure many more would have failed the subject.

Joe's just handed me a Tim Tam. It's 9 o'clock in the morning. I guess it's a sign of what's to come for the rest of the day lol!

Merry Christmas!

I'm on holidays...I think?

2010-11-30T06:48:00.002+10:30

I had my final exam for the year last Thursday. It was a well written, fair exam so if you'd done the work then you should have been fine. I felt I did well although I kicked myself when I came out as I realised I'd forgotten to answer 2 aspects of a particular question. It was a 3-pronged question & I only addressed the 1st aspect of it. My friends & I all think it was only worth around 6 marks all up so it's not that big of a deal. I think I should do reasonably well.

My uni friends & I met up for drinks & a meal on Friday night & boy did we laugh. It was such a great night to be able to just relax & have fun without the thought of having to study or write assignments bearing over us.

So technically I am on holidays now but I've been so busy, I've barely had time to scratch myself! Weekends are completely consumed with dance rehearsals with the big concert only 1.5 weeks away now. This week Emily & Chelsea have school swimming lessons so I've been spending my afternoons at the pool & now Dad's back in hospital I've got to try to fit in time to get into town to visit him too. When I eventually get home for the day & have everyone bathed & fed, then I get to sit down to sequin Caitlyn's costume. It just never stops!

As an example, this is what my day looks like today:
8:10 - leave home to take girls to school
8:45 - leave school & head into town to go to the optician to pick up new glasses. Once finished there, I'm heading into the hospital to see Dad.
12:00 - leave hospital to go to swimming pool
3:00 - leave swimming pool with Emily (who has the last swimming lesson) to go back to school to pick the other girls up.
3:20 - leave school to take Chelsea to ballet
4:00 - leave ballet & go home. Harrass Emily & Caitlyn to quickly get changed & get started on their homework.
4:45 - leave home to go pick Chelsea up from ballet & drop Emily & Caitlyn off for contemporary
5:15 - come home from ballet & put Chelsea through the shower. Get started on dinner
5:45 - go to pick Emily up from contemporary. Caitlyn has to stay for another hour for ballet.
6:15 - Come home & eat dinner & get Emily through the shower.
6:45 - go back to pick up Caitlyn.
7:15 - come home & nag girls to finish homework, pack up their stuff & get into bed.
Around 8:00 - collapse in a heap on the lounge & sequin ballet costumes when I'd really prefer to be knitting!
Go to bed too late & then get up at 6 tomorrow morning ready to do it all again *sigh*

I can't wait for Monday 13/12 when the actual relaxing part of my holiday will hopefully start.

A new addition to the family

2010-11-29T10:56:00.005+10:30

Joe's brother & sister-in-law had their 5th baby on Friday night, a little boy who they named Carmelo Cristiano (!!!). He was born in a rush in their lounge room! They were preparing to leave for the hospital & Liz went outside to get in the car & her waters broke & she realised she wasn't going to make it to hospital so came back inside, called the ambulance & prepared to birth her baby at home.

I'm a little bit miffed that they didn't think to call their sister-in-law who's training to be a midwife & who has probably delivered more babies than the paramedic that arrived with the ambulance but I'll get over it ;)

My nephew may have a dodgy name but he's super cute & my girls were completely smitten with him. Here's a few photos that were taken on my phone so they're not terribly clear...

Sweet little Carmelo

My girls with their new cousin

Carmelo & I

And yes, despite giving birth to a perfectly healthy baby at home without complication, they still jumped in the ambulance & transferred to hospital where Liz stayed for a couple of nights.

Dad's back in hospital again

2010-11-29T10:44:00.004+10:30

My poor Dad's health has been deteriorating over the past couple of weeks. The other day my mum was out with me & Dad was home by himself & apparently in so much pain, he couldn't even get out of bed to call an ambulance. He said he was lying in bed calling out for help at people passing the house but no-one heard him :( Despite this, he still wouldn't let us take him to the hospital when we got home as he said the pain had subsided *rolls eyes*

Last night he was bragging about how much weight he's lost. I don't think he realises that it's actually a bad thing that he's losing 3-4kg each week. He's completely wasting away before our eyes. He's lost all his strength & energy, sleeps most of the day & is up all night with horrifically itchy & stinging skin (a common symptom of liver disease). He often has rigors but apparently last night he was the worst mum has ever seen him. He was shaking uncontrollably & could barely even walk because he was shaking so much. He wouldn't let mum take him to emergency but agreed she could ring the Dr in the morning (today).

Of course, as soon as the Dr heard what had been going on he told them to go straight to hospital. He's going to St Andrews this time. It seems he's going to be trying out all the local hospitals. He's been to Lyell McEwin, Calvary (twice), RAH & now St Andrews. If/when he gets his liver transplant, he'll be in Flinders.

Sigh.

Busted!

2010-11-21T22:34:00.004+10:30

Caitlyn lost a tooth today & as I have a bad habit of forgetting to play tooth fairy, I set myself a reminder on my phone to go off at 8:30. The only trouble was, I let her take my phone to bed with her to listen to the music & she was still awake when the reminder alarm went off!

She brought the phone out to me & I quickly cancelled the reminder & returned it to the music but she'd already seen it & she asked me straight out "Mum, are you the tooth fairy?". I just said "No, of course not!" & quickly turned & walked away so she couldn't see my face! I'm so mad at myself for potentially ruining the magic of the tooth fairy & possibly all the other magical beings such as Father Christmas, Easter Bunny etc too.

Joe & I have agreed that if she asks me about it again in the morning that I'll fess up but I really hope she forgets about it. I was 9 when my parents told me that Father Christmas, Easter Bunny & Tooth Fairy weren't real & it didn't kill me :P but I'd love for her to at least get through this Christmas still believing...

Week 4 weigh in

2010-11-12T11:13:00.001+10:30

I lost 0.9kg this week which takes me up to 4.7kg lost in 4 weeks. I'm happy with that result but I was really hoping I could get to 5kg lost this week as that was my original goal. Oh well, next week I'll smash it!

I really have to work hard to get to 10kg lost by new year though because Joe's promised me a night out at a restaurant & overnight in a hotel if I do.

Never again

2010-11-10T11:53:00.004+10:30

There's a group of us from uni that all decided to split & share the workload for writing exam revision notes for one of our subjects. There were 7 topics & 7 of us so it worked out really well for each of us just to take a topic each & run with it. I knew it was a bit of a risk to rely on other people to get the work done but I thought it was a risk worth taking as it could potentially save me a lot of time.

Well all the notes are in now & I'm actually dumbfounded at what some people's idea of 'revision notes' actually is! When I write revision notes, I use a lot of tables & dot points & just pick out the key/important points. 5 of the 7 people have contributed massive documents (like 15-20 pages for 1 topic) of prose text. It's like reading straight from the text book! No wonder people say they hate exams if that's what they're using for their revision!!!

Of course now I'm having to go & write my own notes for those 5 topics anyway because I just can't work with what I've been given. The frustrating thing is that if I had have known I'd have to end up writing my own notes, I would have had them done ages ago. Now I'm left with only 2 weeks to write them & revise them and at the same time I'm trying to write a 2500 word assignment.

I have been wondering though if these 5 people think my 3 pages of dot points & tables for my topic is inadequate. For all I know, they might be whinging about my contribution as much as I'm whinging about theirs lol.

Altered perception

2010-11-09T22:01:00.003+10:30

Perception is a funny thing.

Since returning to WW, I've lost at least 3.8kg & I'm expecting to clock up another kg or so when I weigh in on Friday. So it's a good start, but really not all that much yet considering I have around 30kg to lose in total.

The funny thing is that I feel so much thinner already. My clothes are still fitting the same & I still look the same in the mirror but in my mind I'm already thinner. I actually get a shock when I unexpectedly catch my reflection in a window or mirror & see that I'm still overweight. How bizarre is that?

Hopefully the reality of what my body actually looks like will catch up with the way my brain thinks I already look soon!

My lunch today

2010-11-08T13:13:00.002+10:30

I made this yummy salad for lunch today which was adapted from a weight watchers recipe. It was delicious & really filling.

Ingredients
- brown rice
- snowpeas
- red capsicum
- cherry tomatoes
- cucumber
- low fat feta cheese
- lemon juice
- olive oil

Instructions
Cook rice. Remove from heat & strain. Stir snowpeas & capsicum into hot rice & allow to cool, tossing occassionally. Add tomatoes, cucumber & feta cheese to rice. Squeeze lemon juice over rice & drizzle with olive oil. Toss well to combine.

Eat & enjoy!

I got mail :D

2010-11-08T11:10:00.003+10:30

I finally heard from WCH today...I got an AIMs job!!! I'm so excited! I haven't been able to concentrate on anything for the past hour since the postie came lol.

I was fairly confident I would get an offer but there's always just the niggling doubt in the back of my mind that maybe I wouldn't. Now I have the letter in front of me so there's no doubting it!

It's 0.42 FTE (4 days per fortnight) & our orientation is on the 7th & 8th of February next year. I can't wait!

Still waiting...

2010-11-05T10:37:00.002+10:30

Grrr, it's been 3.5 weeks since my AIMs interview. They told us we would hear within 2-3 weeks & I still haven't heard. The waiting is killing me!

I know I'm not the only one still waiting so that's reassuring at least but it's just frustrating not knowing. If I'm unsuccessful, I'm going to try to get something at one of the private hospitals because we really need the extra money now the girls are going to a private school.

Maybe Monday might be the day...

What a start to the day

2010-11-03T17:21:00.003+10:30

I'm currently doing a 1 week placement block in the Women's assessment service at the Women's & Children's hospital. It's more or less the emergency department for pregnant women. One of the main things they do there is assess women who come in because their water's have broken or they think they might be in labour. Once they've been assessed, they either send them home if they're not in established labour or send them up to delivery suite if they are in labour. Usually women (or their partners) phone first to let the midwives know what's going on if they want to come in.

Yesterday morning, not long after we started our shift, a labouring woman & her partner arrived at the door. They had not phoned first to warn us of their imminent arrival so we weren't fully prepared for them. After talking to them briefly & taking baseline observations, the midwife asked if she could do a vaginal examination & then if I could also do 1 after her to see if I could accurately assess the woman's progress. The woman consented so the midwife did her examination first & didn't tell me anything about what she found at the time but later told me that she thought the woman was 5-6cm dilated, fully effaced & at spines. When I assessed her, I agreed with the degree of effacement & station but I thought she was fully dilated. The midwife said I should be able to feel the cervix quite clearly but I was 99% certain I couldn't feel any cervix at all. As I'm still not very experienced at vaginal examinations I just assumed that I must have been missing something & didn't think anything more of it.

The midwife left the room to go & update the team leader with what our findings were & I was left in the room with the woman & her husband. After about 5 minutes, the woman turned to me & calmly said "I think the baby's coming". I popped some gloves on & lifted the sheet to have a look & the baby's head was already fully crowned! The woman had just been laying there quitely not even making a sound! I called out for the midwife & luckily 2 of them came rushing in with a delivery trolley & before they could even open anything up, the baby was born and up on mum's chest!

Although Women's Assessment does have a delivery trolley in the store room & a resus cot in the one of the examination rooms, it's not really set up for delivering babies so we were all scrambling trying to get everything sorted out. It was all quite surreal really.

Once things had calmed down & I had time to reflect on what had happened, I'm now more sure than ever that she was actually fully dilated when I assessed her. I'm not suggesting the other midwife got it wrong, I think that she just must have dilated that quickly between the 2 examinations. I've spoken to a few different midwives about it today & they all agreed that it is perfectly possible that she dilated that quickly, maybe even in response to the initial vaginal examination. The trouble is I'll never know whether my assessment was right at the time or not but it sure was an interesting start to the day!

Finished another placement block

2010-10-30T11:28:00.004+10:30

I've just finished a 2 week block at Gawler Health Service & I really enjoyed it. It has a lovely small maternity unit with only around 30 midwives working there in total. They have about 400 births there each year. Because it's so small, all the midwives have a stint in clinic, labour ward & postnatal & they never know from one day to the next whereabouts they're going to be. From a clinical perspective, it's a great model to work in to keep your skills up in all areas. From the women's perspective it's fantastic because they get to know the midwives throughout their pregnancy & then when they come in in labour, they usually know the person that's looking after them.

All the midwives I worked with there were lovely & very willing to teach & mentor the students. So all in all, it was a very enjoyable experience & I felt as though I got a lot out of it.

I just have this next week to go back to WCH into their Women's Assessment Service & then I'll be finished all my clinical placement for the year. Then I've just got my portfolio to prepare (& the associated essay to write) & the exam to sit on the 25th of November & I'll be finished 2nd year. I can't wait!

Another one bites the dust!

2010-10-29T18:07:00.002+10:30

It was weigh-in day today & I'm pleased to say I lost 1kg this week. I didn't know what to expect after having such a big loss last week so I'm very happy with that result. 3.5kg lost in only 2 weeks is a pretty good effort I reckon :D

Wow!

2010-10-22T11:46:00.004+10:30

I had my first weekly weigh-in at WW this morning & I'm very proud to say I lost 2.5kg!!! It was a big surprise because by my scales I'd lost 1.5kg so I was very excited.

I know the program works, it's worked for me in the past & it will definitely work for me again. Can't wait to see what next week will bring :)

First Weight Watchers meeting

2010-10-15T11:30:00.003+10:30

So I had my 1st WW meeting this morning. I have to admit, I did feel a sense of 'here we go again'. Nothing much has changed since the last time I was at WW but apparently there are big changes in the wings in the next month or so. They're selling off all their old recipe books & everything so it must be a fairly substantial change to the program. That should be interesting.

The leader & all the people in the meeting seemed really nice & there didn't seem to be any annoying people in the group (that's horrible but there's nearly always one person in the group who drives you crazy!).

My starting weight was of the 3 digit variety which is very depressing. The good news is that I should be able to well & truly knock it back down to 2 digits in the 1st week. I want to lose about 30kg all up & I've broken it down into 5kg blocks with a reward for each 5kg. I've also tried to give it a bit of structure by putting a time frame on each block & I think it's well & truly achievable to reach my WW goal weight (74kg) by my birthday next year. What an awesome birthday present that would be to myself! I think I'd probably like to get a bit under 74kg but I'll wait until I get there to see how I feel. I'm thinking somewhere around the 70kg mark is probably a better number for me to be truly happy :)

The rewards I've promised myself & the dates I've set look like this:
5kg lost (96kg) by 12/11/10 - Massage (with voucher already purchased)
10kg lost(91kg) by 31/12/10 - Night out with Joe (for him to organise - as agreed)
15kg lost (86kg) by 25/2/11 - Half way mark! New watch for work
20kg lost (81kg) by 29/4/11 - New bras in pretty colours
25kg lost (76kg) by 24/6/11 - Massage
WW goal (74kg) by my 36th birthday - Lots of new clothes to fit my new body!
30kg lost (71kg) by 2/9/11 - Start process for body remodelling!

About a week or so ago, Joe promised me that if I could lose 10kg by the new year, he'd take me out somewhere for dinner & book a hotel or something for the night/weekend. That suggestion from him was what prompted me to go back to WW in the first place so I definitely have to work hard to make sure I get there!

I've been wanting to get a breast reduction since forever & since having my girls I've been wanting to get a tummy tuck to take care of my 'kangaroo pouch' as I call it (all the loose, stretched skin that hangs on my lower abdomen). Actually when I'm overweight, the kangaroo pouch isn't too bad - unfortunately it's much worse when there's less fat to pad it out. Once I've lost the weight, I'm definitely going to start making some inquiries about the chance of getting this stuff done. I know some people will think it's terrible vain of me & a waste of money but it's something that I've wanted to do for a long time - long before it became more mainstream to have plastic surgery. If not the tummy tuck, I'll definitely be getting a breast reduction. I've been carrying around these F cup breasts for the last 20 years & the thought of having to do it for the next 40+ years is just too much to bear!

And now the wait begins...

2010-10-13T09:32:00.003+10:30

I had my interview this morning. It only went for 10 minutes & was pretty casual but I was soooo nervous! It's been a long time since I've had a job interview (like about 15 years!) & I really want this job so I was very anxious. I hate to think what I'm going to be like when I go for interviews for graduate positions next year.

I think I went well. The questions were pretty easy:
- why do I want to work at WCH?
- do I feel comfortable supporting women with breastfeeding & what barriers do I feel I might have to overcome to be able to do that?
- what's my understanding of the AIMS position?
I got lots of smiles & nodding of heads from the panel so hopefully that's a positive sign.

Apparently we'll be notified of the outcome by mail in 2-3 weeks time. I'll be stalking my postie ;)

I got an interview!

2010-10-12T11:29:00.002+10:30

Ever since I started my B.Mid. I've been looking forward to 3rd year when I would have the opportunity to work as an Assistant in Midwifery (AIM) at the Women's & Children's hospital. Applications were called for in September & I'm going in for an interview tomorrow morning. I'm so excited!

From speaking to current & past AIMs, the interview is pretty casual (only 5-10 minutes long) & is pretty much just a formality. I've already been asked to complete all the employment paperwork including tax file declarations & salary disbursement details etc & have to bring in a passport photo for my ID badge so I doubt they'd go to all that trouble if they weren't pretty sure they were going to employ me.

It's a fantastic opportunity to get more clinical experience & confidence and will also look great on my resume when I apply for graduate positions next year. My interview's at 8:30 tomorrow morning - wish me luck!

I knew things were bad but...

2010-10-12T11:24:00.003+10:30

...I didn't think they were quite this bad.

My Dad's been placed on the waiting list for a liver transplant. Yes, he's that sick :( He also needs his gallbladder removed but the Dr's not sure whether he's well enough to risk the surgery for that at the moment. He's had an ultrasound this morning to determine whether the gallbladder has to be urgently removed regardless of the level of risk or whether it can wait until the liver transplant & then they'll do both together.

Of course, we have no idea of when, or even if, the transplant will happen. The Dr's meeting with the transplant team on Thursday to determine what level of priority Dad will have & then Mum & Dad are going back to see him next week to find out the outcome of both the ultrasound & that meeting. The maximum age for the transplant is 65 & Dad is 63 at the moment so if it doesn't happen in the next 2 years, it won't happen at all.

:(

Here she goes again

2010-10-10T15:24:00.003+10:30

I'm sure that will be the response when I tell certain people that I've just signed up to weight watchers again. I keep saying I'm going to lose weight & trying different things but I never seem to stick to anything for very long which explains why I sit here now at my heaviest ever weight.

The warmer weather is on it's way I really can't stand the thought of sweating my way through another summer. I don't want to be embarrassed about my weight anymore and avoid seeing people that I'd otherwise love to see because I don't want them to see me like this. I don't want to have to feel nervous before I go to a social function as I wonder whether I'll be the biggest person there. I don't want to huff & puff my way around the room as I care for women in labour.

As if that's not all enough in itself, my Dad's current health issues are all diet/lifestyle related. I am heading down the same path as him if I don't do something now about my weight & the way I eat & take care of myself.

I've joined the unlimited program which gives me access to all the online content & tools plus the actual meetings themselves. My first meeting is on Friday morning but I'm going to start the program tomorrow. Wish me luck!

I can really knit now!

2010-10-09T16:20:00.003+10:30

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you might remember that I got my lovely mum to teach me how to knit a couple of years ago. It's taken me a while to really grow to love knitting & feel proficient enough at it to make it enjoyable rather than a chore. Yesterday I cast off something that I'm really proud of...a shrug for me to wear to a wedding today.

It fits like it should, there's no mistakes in it (that I'm aware of!) & I think it actually looks pretty good. So much so that I think it's actually safe to call myself a 'knitter' now :D

A beautiful water birth

2010-10-03T17:03:00.003+10:30

In amongst my placement shifts, I also attended the birth of one of my follow-throughs last week. It was her 3rd baby & she'd had 'dry births' for her other 2 but this time she planned to labour & potentially birth in water.

She had a very quick labour & spent the last 30-45 minutes or so of it in the bath. I was the only person that could actually see the baby being born because she was on her knees leaning over the edge of the bath & it was very difficult to see. I stuck a mirror between her legs & could just see the head being born from peering at the mirror. I told her that her baby would be born with the next contraction & that she should be ready to reach down & grab him. Anyway, so when the baby was born I told her to reach down & pick up her baby & she didn't! I said it again & she still just sat there like she was stunned so I had to quickly jump up & rescue this baby from the bottom of the bath!

When we were talking about it afterwards she said she could hear me telling her to pick him up but just couldn't get her body to function to do it. It was quite funny in hindsight.

It was a lovely, intervention-free birth which, I've discovered, is such a rarity to see in hospital.

Full-time placement wrap up

2010-10-03T16:55:00.003+10:30

I finished my stint at WCH delivery suite on Thursday & today's the 1st chance I've had to blog about it. In my last few shifts I got chance to do a couple of catheters & a couple of VEs which was good because they're both skills I felt I needed some more practice with. All the VEs I'd done up until now, were all at 8-10cm dilated so it was interesting to do one on a woman who was only 2cm dilated. It feels very different, especially because in this particular case the baby's head was still really high in the pelvis so there wasn't that bony prominence behind the cervix.

So the final tally was:
'Normal' vaginal births = 3
C-section = 1
Forceps delivery = 1
Ventouse deliveries = 2
Catheters = 2
VEs = 2
Shifts with no birth = 5!!!

My only issue is now I'm really starting to panic about how on earth I'm going to get 40 births between now & the end of next year. My total is at 11 so far & I honestly can't believe that in 12 shifts at the busiest maternity hospital in Adelaide, I only managed to get 3 independent births. With only another 6 weeks (or 30 shifts) in total of intrapartum placement & another 4 follow throughs between now & the end of the course, I'm not sure how on earth that will see me achieving my numbers. I pretty much need to get every one of my follow throughs & a birth on every shift to reach 40 in total.

Looks like I could be doing lots of extra delivery suite shifts around this time next year!

Half way mark

2010-09-23T20:05:00.006+09:30

So I've completed 7 shifts of my delivery suite placement & I have 6 to go. Everything's going really well & I'm thoroughly enjoying it. I've heard bad stories about the midwives at WCH being really hard to get along with but I haven't experienced it at all, everyone's been lovely.

I haven't got to practice as many clinical skills as I thought I might though. I thought I'd get lots of opportunities to do things like vaginal examinations, catheters, oh & births! The reality is a bit different to that though & my tally to date looks a bit like this:
'Normal' vaginal births = 2
C-section = 1
Forceps delivery = 1
Ventouse delivery = 1
Catheters = 0
VEs = 0
On the plus side, I've had lots of time to just 'be' with labouring women & chart their obs etc. It's been reassuring to see a few midwives now that are willing to leave me to care more or less independently for women during the 1st stage of their labour. I'm getting much more confident in how to approach women about various issues in labour & feel comfortable to make suggestions to them now about ways to cope with their labour & know that they actually might help ;)

When I've got a bit more time, I might blog my experiences in a bit more detail but I just haven't the time or the energy at the moment. Working a 40 hour week over a 24/7 roster is a big shock to the system when you're not used to it &, as if that's not enough, I've had a nasty head cold to contend with as well.

As much as I'm enjoying it, I'm also looking forward to the 2 week break before the next 3 week block starts. Only 9 more weeks & 1 day until I've officially finished 2nd year!!!

Does 'normal birth' exist?

2010-09-18T20:35:00.004+09:30

So I've attended 4 shifts at WCH delivery suite & I'm still in search of the elusive 'normal birth'. So far I've attended a c-section, a forceps delivery in theatre & a ventouse delivery & cared for a couple of other women during their labour but left before they'd birthed their babies. It's been an amazing learning experience & has proven to me what I already suspected...I have an awful long way to go before I'm ready to handle this midwifery caper autonomously!

This was brutally obvious to me on the late shift yesterday when I was helping to care for a primip (woman having her 1st baby) who was being induced for post dates. Without going into all the gory details, her baby was seriously distressed & we were seconds away from calling a Code Green (bells & whistles running down the corridor to an emergency c-section) when all of a sudden her baby suddenly recovered to a stable, normal baseline (thank goodness!). There was a period of around 30 minutes where baby was in serious trouble and for around 5 minutes, we couldn't even find a heart beat at all! We had to get the ultrasound machine in to verify there was actually still a heartbeat because we couldn't detect one on either the doppler, external CTG or fetal scalp electrode.

Whilst all this was going on, there were 2 midwives, 2 doctors & me in the room & I just stood back & watched everyone else going about their thing. I had absolutely no idea what to do & just wanted to make sure I didn't get in anyones way. The only thing I thought I could do was reassure the partner & woman's mother that the drs & midwives were doing everything they can but I was in such a highly anxious state, I didn't think I could even do that without crying. It was just a horrible situation. The rest of the labour ended up being uneventful & she went on to birth a little baby girl via ventouse delivery.

Another thing that was interesting about this woman was that she was a smoker throughout her pregnancy (started at a packet a day & claimed to have reduced to approx. 10-15 per day) & this baby was only 2890gm even at 40+8. Also her placenta was covered with calcifications & had 2 large infarcts on it. In hindsight, I've also wondered whether baby's low baseline heart rate was also due to the effects of maternal smoking. I'd be interested to know what her heart rate is now actually. I actually didn't know she was a smoker & when I was checking her placenta I asked her if she was. She said she was & asked me how I could tell. I showed her the placenta & got her to put gloves on so she could feel how gritty it was. I didn't say anything to her about the dangers of smoking in pregnancy or anything but hopefully just me showing her the damage to the placenta might plant the seed to make her reconsider her choices before she has another baby. Then again, it might have no effect whatsoever lol!

As I've mentioned many times in this blog, we need to get 40 'normal births' before we can register. Given that I've spent 4 full shifts on delivery suite in our busiest metropolitan hospital & haven't got 1 yet, I'm a bit worried about how difficult it's actually going to be to achieve these birth numbers. On the plus side, we also need 40 'complex births' & the 3 births I've attended at WCH will all count towards that tally :)

Placement

2010-09-13T20:59:00.003+09:30

So I officially started placement today although my first shift is not actually until tomorrow night. Yes, my first shift is a night shift...how cruel is that? Anyway, I'm feeling more anxious than usual about this placement for some reason. I'm really feeling the pressure of being at the end of my 2nd year & I'm feeling like the expectations are going to be higher than my abilities.

The next 3 weeks I'm in Delivery Suite at WCH & given that my last birth was a horrible experience that traumatised me for quite a while afterwards, I'm really nervous about spending 3 solid weeks with birthing women! I just hope I don't make a fool out of myself & can manage to care for these women appropriately. Birth is so emotionally draining too so I'm sure I'm just going to be exhausted, physically & mentally, for the next 3 weeks. I really hope I get to catch some babies while I'm there too. I've got 15 shifts so if I could get 7-8 births while I'm there that would be great, both for my confidence & my numbers ;) Although I did hear of a student that did 10 shifts in WCH delivery suite recently & didn't get 1 normal birth! Knowing my luck, that'll be what happens to me!!!

After my delivery suite stint, I've got a 2 week break & then I've got another 3 week block with 2 of those being a Gawler hospital in their maternity section & then 1 week at Women's Assessment Service back at WCH.

Hopefully I'll enjoy my experiences, learn a lot & grow as a budding midwife so that I can start my final year of study with some degree of confidence.

So...my Dad's been sick

2010-09-10T21:20:00.004+09:30

At the start of this year, my Dad was like any other healthy, active 63 year old man. He worked as a volunteer in a community kitchen, he walked for 1-2 hours every day, played competitive lawn bowls & lived a full & happy life. Then things started to change. He started to tire easily & gave up working & playing bowls to spend his days in bed instead. He would have periods of time where he would be confused & it was almost like he had Alzheimer's or something but then the next day he'd be normal again. Then he got 'gastro' that just never went away & had chronic abdominal pain & he was chowing through pain relief just to get through the day.

To cut a long story short, my mum eventually managed to convince him he needed to go to the hospital one night. That was about 3 weeks ago. He's been in & out of hospital 3 times since then for a total of 12 nights. He had a blockage in his bile duct that was surgically repaired 2 weeks ago. He has gallstones that they are trying to treat with medication rather than surgery at this point. He had a liver biopsy yesterday because they think he might have cirrhosis or some other liver disease. He's jaundiced & can't get his BSL's under control even on a strict diabetic diet & taking insulin. He's got other crazy things going on in his bloods too that I don't really understand &, in fact, I think even the bloods are even confusing the Dr at this point!

Although I see my dad often, I don't really have a very good relationship with him so it's taken me surprise how much it's affected me with him being sick. It's been a very stressful time for all of us, especially mum, and we're not at the end of the road yet. He was just discharged from hospital today while we await the results of the liver biopsy. Hopefully he can manage his condition ok at home for now & won't have to be hospitalised again any time soon.

Another costume for another competition

2010-09-10T20:39:00.004+09:30

Things have been crazy mad around here over the last few weeks but in between all the mayhem I've had to find the time to make a costume for Emily to wear for her tap dance solo competition which is on the 27th September. Since I start placement on Monday, I figured I really needed to get it finished before then!

We started with a leotard we already had that Emily wore for her class's tap dance in the end of year concert last year. After spending hours searching the internet for ideas, I eventually got around to getting to the dance shop to buy the supplies so I could get started. The skirt I made myself (yes, shock horror!) & then obviously I sewed all the sequins like any good ballet mum would :P

On the day she'll look even more snazzy with her shimmer tights & tap shoes & her hair up with a 'flick' ponytail hair piece in. We're both really happy with the end result & I can't wait to see her up on stage in something that I've more or less made from scratch :D

Holiday dramas

2010-08-27T13:49:00.004+09:30

My Mum & I have had a weekend in Melbourne booked for next weekend since March. We were planning to fly over on the Friday morning, do some shopping, have high tea at the Windsor Hotel, go see West Side Story & then come home on the Sunday afternoon. We were both really looking forward to it except my Dad is really sick at the moment (which is a whole other post in itself) & Mum's just made the decision that she's not willing to go & leave him here by himself for the 3 days :(

So plan B was put into action.

I'd promised Caitlyn I would take her for a girls weekend away to Melbourne for her 10th birthday next April so, rather than waste the tickets I've already bought, we decided to bring this trip forward 6 months & take her now instead. We thought we'd be able to use Joe's frequent flyer points & get her flights for free so it wouldn't really cost us that much. The only trouble is that because it's only 1 week until we go, all the frequent flyer seats available on the flights have already been taken so we have to buy tickets instead. It's cost us $387 for return flights for her! I only paid $136 for mine!!! And of course, stupid me, didn't have any travel insurance because when I booked the original flights, I figured it was only a cheap flight & weekend away & not worth paying the extra money for travel insurance. I guess I've learnt my lesson the hard way.

Also now because Mum's not coming, I have to pay the full price of the accommodation that we were going to share & I have to pay Mum for her ticket to West Side Story so I can take Caitlyn with me. Plus I'll obviously have to pay for meals etc for Caitlyn while we're there so it's probably going to work out to cost us an extra $800-$900 for what was going to be my little weekend away *sigh* In hindsight, I probably should have just cancelled the accommodation & flights & written it off as a loss instead of agreeing to take Caitlyn so we didn't waste the money we'd already spent.

I'm sure Caitlyn & I will still have fun but boy is it an expensive lesson learnt!

I finally did it!

2010-08-20T14:03:00.005+09:30

I've been wanting to cut my hair short for ages. My old hairdresser wouldn't even consider it. Everytime I'd bring it up she tell me that she didn't think I'd be happy with short hair & she'd manage to talk me out of it. I'd been going to the same hairdresser for more than 10 years & I trusted her judgment but to be honest, this was one of the main reasons I started trying to find a new hairdresser ;)

So earlier this year I finally got brave enough to try a new hairdresser & I got lucky because I hit the jackpot & got someone great the first try. So today I walked in for my usual appointment with a page full of pictures & told her I wanted it all cut off. She was surprised at first but was more than happy to do it. This is what I ended up with:
(sorry it's a dodgy photo taken on my phone in the shopping centre carkpark)
I love it! My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner :D

Stealing

2010-08-06T13:26:00.003+09:30

Caitlyn slept at her friends house last Friday night & came home with her friends iPod Nano (which she had stolen). It's not the first time she's stolen from people. She's always been one to swipe something if she wants it from a very young age. When she was little we thought it was just a toddler thing & she'd stop doing it once she knew it was wrong. Well know she absolutely knows it's wrong but she's still doing it

This was the most expensive thing by far she's ever taken & I was so mad that she didn't even seem remorseful. She was sorry she got caught but she didn't seem to be sorry that she did it.

The next day, her friend's mum called me to say that her daughter's camera & ds game were missing & could we please check if Caitlyn had them. When I confronted Caitlyn, it turned out she had the camera & the ds game & 2 other expensive little toys too! OMG! I could have just died with shame, anger & embarrassment. I rang her friends mum & told her we had these things & that we were going to bring Caitlyn up to her place to return them & apologise. So we did that & luckily for Caitlyn they were really nice about it & thanked her for being honest enough to return to the things. I told Caitlyn that she's lucky they didn't ring the police to report it & I think that's scared her a bit & made her realise just how serious it is.

I was absolutely beside myself that a child of mine, who should know better, took nearly $500 worth of stuff from her friend :( What on earth did she think she was going to do with it all? It's not like she could just pull the iPod out & start using it without us asking her whose it was.

I was so mad at her, thinking she must be this terrible child & then later that night I googled "children who steal". Without exception, every website I looked at said that children of her age steal to fill an emotional void in their lives or for attention. After reading that on many different websites, I felt like I had failed her as mother. How does a 9 year old from a stable, happy family have emotional voids that need to be filled with stealing other people's possessions?

I'm just so sad & confused about the whole situation. I didn't think I'd have to deal with this sort of drama when my children are still so young :(

Spoilt!

2010-07-27T12:33:00.002+09:30

It was my birthday on Friday & boy, did I get spoilt! A few weeks ago, Joe asked me for a list of things I wanted for my birthday (he never knows what to buy me!). As much as a surprise is sometimes nice, it's also nice to get something that you actually want lol so I don't mind too much having to give him a list of ideas.

Anyway, as a bit of joke, I put a notebook computer on there. Since we only have a desktop here, I often find myself watching tv & running back to the computer in the commercials to check FB or comment on a forum or something silly like that. I really wanted a notebook so I could be ultra lazy & sit in front of the telly & be on the net at the same time. They're around $400-$500 which is pretty cheap for a computer but also way more than we'd usually spend on a birthday presents so I didn't actually expect to get one. Imagine my surprise when I opened the box & there was a shiny little notebook pc just for me!!!

My Mum & Dad, Tanya & Jeff put in together to get me this beautiful Namaste knitting bag & buddy case for all my knitting bits & pieces. I'm knitting every day now & have been carrying my stuff around in a calico bag so this is a big step up! The leather is so soft & I absolutely love them :D

How lucky am I to get such awesome pressies for my birthday?

Twins!

2010-07-23T16:33:00.002+09:30

My sister had her first appointment with the obstetrician today & a quick ultrasound confirmed what I'd suspected all along...she's carrying twins!!! I'm so excited! I don't think she is so much at this stage lol but I'm sure she will get excited once she gets over the shock.

She started showing at around 7 weeks which is really unusual for a 1st pregnancy & I immediately suspected twins. I've been teasing her about it for a few weeks now & to be quite honest, I would have been surprised if she had a scan today which showed only 1 baby. It looks like they're fraternal twins because there's quite a thick wall of membrane between them but there's a slight chance they could be identical twins that separated very early after conception & therefore still have their own sac.

The first question I asked her was if the ob would still be happy for her to have a vaginal birth (because some obs just won't do twin vaginal birth at all) & he's told her that he's happy for her to birth vaginally if twin 1 is cephalic (head down). Of course it's a long time before she has to worry about that but at least she knows if the babies co-operate, it's still an option.

Did I mention that I'm excited???

An embarrassing admission

2010-07-16T22:33:00.002+09:30

I was watching Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution tonight & it got me thinking about the food that I feed our family. We don't eat a whole heap of processed crap like they were portraying on this show but we don't eat anywhere near enough fruit & veg. When I think back to what I've eaten today, I have had 1 piece of fruit & no veg. Granted, today was unusual because we bought take away (because we were out until 6:30), but even on a normal day I would probably still only have 1 piece of fruit & 2-3 serves of veg (1 serve = 1/2 cup of cooked veggies).

For dinner we usually have things like pasta & rice dishes or casseroles. Usually once per week we'll have a classic meat & 3 veg type meal & we'll nearly always have a roast beef with roast veggies once a week too. These are the types of meals I was brought up eating...in fact, they're generally better than the types of meals I was brought up eating. Even today you could go to my parents house & be lucky to find any fruit or veg at all except for maybe a few potatoes.

I really need to turn this around now or this is the way my children will cook when they're adults & the cycle will continue. The trouble is that I'm not really sure how to go about changing it. I hate cooking & I don't really have the time, energy or inclination to go searching through recipe books to find new & exciting ways to include more veggies into our everyday diet. I think I just need to take baby steps & maybe try 1 new thing a week, every week for example or something else like that. The other thing Joe & I were just saying we could try is to put a bowl of fruit on the table as 'dessert' after dinner. Every night without fail our girls ask us for dessert & we nearly always say no but I'd be happy for them to have a piece of fruit & maybe that's a way we could encourage them to get a bit more fruit into their diets.

I'm not really sure about how to increase the veggies because I just don't know how to cook them aside from roasting some root veggies or steaming up some broccoli & cauliflower. I can't serve those same things every night for dinner though or we'd all go bonkers!

It's definitely something we, as a family, need to work on.

Venues for the next round of placement

2010-07-01T20:32:00.004+09:30

I've got 6 weeks of placement coming up in 2nd semester. It's split into 3 completely separate blocks though & I just found out tonight that I'm going to WCH Delivery Suite for 3 weeks of intrapartum placement, Gawler Hospital Maternity for 2 weeks of postnatal placement & WCH Women's Assessment Service for 1 week of antenatal placement.

WCH Delivery Suite & WCH Women's Assessment Service were both my 1st preferences for these blocks. I chose WCH delivery suite over LMH because I've been to LMH a fair bit recently & every time I go there, there are students sitting at the nurses station doing nothing because there are no women birthing or the women birthing have either declined a student or already have one they're working with. I'm hoping WCH will be busier & offer more opportunities to get my hands dirty so to speak. Women's Assessment Service is like the emergency department for pregnant women. Women go there if they're having problems with their pregnancy ie. bleeding, reduced fetal movement, post dates, reduced fluid etc. They also present there when they arrive at the hospital in labour. So it should be interesting spot to go, although I'm only there for 1 week.

Gawler Hospital was my 3rd preference for postnatal but only because I had 2 private hospitals down before it because I'm keen to see the difference in postnatal care in public v private. I'm more than happy to go to Gawler though because from what I've heard from people that have been there before for placement is that you get to do a bit of everything, including births, & the midwives there are really welcoming to students.

All in all, I'm really happy with all three of these venues. They should offer me lots of opportunity to plug some gaps in my knowledge & experience before I head into my final year.

It didn't happen overnight, but it did happen

2010-07-01T13:46:00.004+09:30

When talking to fellow midwifery students, you often hear horror stories about things they have witnessed in hospitals or the way in which they've been treated. I've been very lucky that in the 18 months or so that I've been doing this course, I've never personally experienced any untoward or nasty behaviour from other midwives or medical staff. Well, that all changed yesterday.

I was attending a birth for one of my follow-throughs at a private hospital. Given it was a private hospital, the majority of care was provided by the midwives & then the obstetrician waltzed in at the last moment to do "the delivery" (oh how I hate that term!). The midwife I was working with was absolutely brilliant! She used to be the maternity unit manager there & loves working with students so she let me manage the labour & attend to all clinical needs independently. She popped her head in every now & again to see how things were going & talked me through a few things that I was unsure about. I got to insert my first catheter, did a couple of VE's, topped up the epidural & did all routine observations etc.

To cut a long story short, I ended up facilitating the birth & the woman suffered a 3rd degree tear. The obstetrician was visibly angry & huffed & puffed his way around the room while doing the sutures & had a few little digs at me about not having things where he wanted them etc. After he'd finished suturing, he came out of the room, down to the nurses station & absolutely blasted the midwife for more than 5 minutes about how incompetent I was & how he didn't know I was going to be there (untrue!) & didn't consent to me doing the birth (untrue!) & how from now on he completely refused to have students present at any of "his births". I was in the pan room down the other end of the corridor & I could clearly hear him so everyone in the delivery suite would have also heard him :( When he was finished yelling at the midwife, he marched down the corridor to the maternity unit manager & complained to her.

It was all just horrible & since I was already feeling sensitive that maybe it was something I did or didn't do that caused the tear, I was very fragile. All it took was for the lovely midwife to come in & ask me how I was & the tears just started flowing. Then I was embarrassed about crying which made me cry more! The floodgates were opened & I couldn't stop. I felt like such a loser!

Luckily, the midwife actually told me she believed that I managed the birth very well. She said the woman was destined to tear due to a history of previous tears & the nature of her birth (flat on her back in bed with an epidural). She also had a very quick 2nd stage (only 6 minutes) & the baby birthed in a posterior position which means the perineum has to stretch up even further than it normally does. The only thing she said I could have done differently was to put counter-pressure on the head & perineum to control the descent a bit more & force the baby to be born more slowly. She said if the obstetrician had have been in my position, she's sure he would have just cut an episiotomy because it was obvious the peri was going to split. Is an episiotomy any better than a 3rd degree tear? I'm not sure that it is. I'm sure it's easier for him to suture though.

At the end of the day, the woman & her husband are extremely happy with the care I provided them. The midwife was also very happy with the care I provided & told me I'm much better than most other students she works with & will be a great midwife. If it wasn't for this power-tripping obstetrician who managed to spoil the whole experience for me in a short 20 minutes, it would have been a fantastic day. But unfortunately, all I can think about is how horrible it was & it still makes me tear up when I think about it.

I went & visited the woman & her husband in hospital today & they're happy as larry. They don't have a care in the world & are basking in the glory of their beautiful & healthy new daughter who has barely uttered a sound since she was born at 2:06 yesterday afternoon. And that's all that really matters :D

Some exciting news!

2010-06-20T22:33:00.002+09:30

I just found out tonight my sister is pregnant!!! I'm so bloody excited for her! She's been wanting a baby for years now & she finally got married in April & now she's 5 weeks pregnant. She's due in February & she wants me to "deliver" her baby :D It's a happy, happy day!

Now I just have to try to convince her she really doesn't need to pay $$$ for obstetric care when she's a fit & healthy woman having her 1st baby...

Dance Competitions SA

2010-06-11T19:02:00.003+09:30

After taking a year off competitions, Caitlyn desperately wanted to go back to them this year. Although it's an expensive commitment in terms of both time & money, we decided to let her have another go at them. So after nearly 2 whole terms of private lessons, the first competition finally rolled around this weekend. Caitlyn was in the 1st section of the 1st session of the 1st day which meant we had to be at Norwood Town Hall with hair & stage makeup on by 8:15 this morning *yawn*

She was so nervous that she actually had to leave school early yesterday due to stomach cramps. She was up countless times during the night, couldn't stomach breakfast before we left this morning & I actually thought she was on the verge of hyperventilating in the car on the way there! I was so worried about her that I actually asked her if she wanted to go ahead with it. I would have been disappointed if she'd decided to withdraw due to all the work she's put into her solo but I would have totally supported her decision. Anyway, she said she definitely wanted to go ahead with it so we continued on our way.

Once she got to the theatre, she was actually much more calm. I think the presence of her friends & ballet teacher was very calming & grounding for her.

Once she got out on stage, you would have had no idea at how nervous she was. She looked so confident & beautiful up there! She did her 3 min routine absolutely perfectly & with a smile for nearly the whole thing. We were so proud of her. Of course, I had tears rolling down my cheeks from the minute she stepped out on stage, but that's a mother's rite :P

After all 17 competitors had danced, the adjudicator announced that Caitlyn had won 2nd place! We were absolutely ecstatic & so proud of her :D She got extremely positive comments on her critique sheet too.

It's not over for her yet though because on Monday she's competing in the RAD awards which is conducted quite a bit differently to a solo performance competition. All competitors are up on stage together in plain leotards & are put through a series of exercises from their normal RAD exam syllabus. From there, the judges pick 6 finalists who then get to go on & present their dance which is again from the RAD syllabus for their grade. Quite a few students from our dance school are competing & historically our school's students have always done quite well so hopefully this year will be the same.

I'll report back in a few days on that one but for now I'll leave you with a few pics from today.

One week in

2010-06-11T18:50:00.002+09:30

After 1 week of being completely dairy free, sugar free & yeast free I went back to the naturopath for a review. My candida levels had reduced from 20+ to 18 which was apparently a huge drop. My naturopath said that she normally only sees a reduction of 1-2 points per month so for me to drop at least 2 & potentially more in a week, she was extremely happy.

In terms of my actual symptoms, I've found that my scalp is feeling much calmer & less itchy. It's still not 100% but I've noticed a definite improvement. My legs on the hand are absolutely unbearable! They are by far the worst they've ever been & I've scratched them until I've bled in numerous places. The naturopath recommended using plain almond oil on them as a moisturiser to see if that helps me through this detox stage. I used it for the first time this morning & it's definitely helped. Hopefully I've turned a bit of a corner now & it will start to improve like my scalp has.

In terms of my diet, I feel as though I can manage with everything except the loss of my cappuccinos :( I find it especially hard when I'm out with someone else & they want to sit & have a coffee & I either can't have one or have to force myself to drink a short black with no sugar *vomits* Because of how much I was missing it, my naturopath said I can try soy cappuccinos so long as a limit it to 1 per day. I haven't tried one yet but I'm hoping very much that I like them!

I'm going back for another review in 6 weeks time. It'll be very interesting to see what sort of difference she sees then.

A new direction

2010-06-06T23:20:00.005+09:30

For years I've been talking about wanting to see a naturopath to see if they could help me with my skin issues. I have extremely itchy & flaky skin which is worst on my scalp & lower legs but affects my whole body. It is worse in winter & also when I'm stressed. I was a bit hesitant though because firstly, I didn't know of a good naturopath & secondly, I was scared about what changes I was going to have to make as a result of the visit! However my skin's been getting progressively worse & worse especially over the last year or so so I finally bit the bullet & went to a naturopath last week. She was someone who was recommended by 2 friends that I trust so that helped me overcome hurdle number 1.

Through the use of vega testing & after a lengthy discussion with me about my health history, she determined that I had a rather severe dairy intolerance & excessive candida present in my gut. The candida is the culprit of my itchy skin. So to eliminate the candida I need to go on a yeast-free & sugar-free diet. Also, due to the dairy intolerance, I need to go dairy-free. And apparently I also have a slight intolerance to soy so I can't use soy products as dairy substitutes either.

When I left her office, I was scared! Could I really eliminate sugar, yeast & dairy from my diet? My mind was automatically thinking of all the things I love that were now off limits...chocolate, cappuccino, bread, cereal, biscuits, lollies etc. But I'd made a commitment to try her suggestions as no creams or anything the medical fraternity had offered me has ever helped & I've spent thousands on special shampoos & scalp treatments that have never helped either. So I had to trust that she's right (& what she said made perfect sense to me) & give it a go.

After 3 days of eating this way, I think my biggest challenge is going to be the cappuccino. This is what I've missed the most. I think because it's as much a social thing for me as it is a taste thing. I often meet my mum or a friend for coffee & it just feels weird for me to sit & chat to them while they drink coffee! I have been trying to drink short black with no sugar instead but it's a long way from a cappuccino with 2 sugars & it's not really doing it for me. At least I'm still getting the caffeine hit that my body is accustomed to though.

Another thing I've noticed is that my skin's really flared up over the last couple of days. It's worse than it's ever been before! I hope it's just my body's reaction to me eliminating these stressors from my diet & that it will settle down soon. The naturopath promises me that I'll feel 100% better within only a few weeks but that it'll take around 12 months to completely rid my body of the candida & return it to it's normal state.

It'll be interesting to see if it all helps!